The Romote Control

Super Bowl Preview + PROPS contest

2012-02-03T09:47:00.000-08:00

I’m 7-3 this postseason with my picks (5-5 non-spread, but who gives a crap about that!). Whether I get Sunday’s game right or wrong, this will be my best postseason ever. So I’m either going to pick the Patriots or the Giants, I’ll either be right or wrong, and then we will have no football for another seven months. Do you know how long that is!?! Screw this. We have to milk this game for all it’s worth. I can’t just pick the game with a few paragraphs of analysis, ignore my second guessing that says to go with the other team, and add a few jokes like I always do.

Thankfully there are Super Bowl props!

Now most of the ones that you see floating around are just boring, standard, and frankly, hard to predict. Like, “Will Tom Brady throw for more than 300 yards?”… who knows. Or, “who will win the coin toss?” … true story, I actually won 3 dollars from the coin toss my junior year in college because right before the coin toss I said the Saints would win the toss, it would be heads, and they would receive...and bet a dollar on each. All three came true. Thanks, Klein.

Well because I don’t want the NFL season to end, I came up with a list of not so ordinary prop bets. Also, if you like, you can play along with me. Just make your picks below in the comment section and whoever has the most right will get a shoutout tweet, bragging rights, and some other prize that I can’t think of yet. Maybe if I become famous one day I’ll send you a t-shirt. Maybe. Just make sure your answers line up with the number of the corresponding question.

HERE WE GO!

1. Who will catch a pass first?
A. Rob Gronkowski
B. Aaron Hernandez

2. Will Victor Cruz do the salsa dance?
A. Yes
B. No

3. How many field goals will be MADE in the game by either team?
A. None or 1
B. 2-3
C. 4-5
D. 6 or more

4. Number of times Al Michaels/Cris Collingsworth will mention COOPER MANNING?
A. None
B. 1 or more

5. Will Madonna play “Like a Prayer” during the halftime show?
A. Yes
B. No

6. Which total will be greater?
A. Number of Wes Welker receptions + Number of Eli Manning touchdown passes
B. Number of points Lawrence Tynes will score

7. What will be the first score that the GIANTS get?
A. Touchdown
B. Field Goal or Safety

8. The person who scores the first touchdown of the game for either team will be wearing…
A. an even-numbered jersey.
B. an odd-numbered jersey.

9. At any time throughout the game, will Al Michaels say the words “Tim Tebow”?
A. Yes
B. No

10. What will be the first ACCEPTED penalty of the game?
A. Holding
B. False Start
C. Any Other Penalty

11. Which of the following will happen during the game?
A. Eli Manning will take a knee
B. Tom Brady will take a knee
C. Neither QB or Both QB’s will take a knee

12. Which total will be greater?
A. Receptions by Patriots’ tight ends
B. Receptions by Giants’ wide receivers

13. Will Eli Manning throw an interception?
A. Yes
B. No

14. After the ball has been kicked off, which will happen first?
A. Bud Lite commercial
B. Miller Lite commercial
C. Coors Lite commercial

15. Who will be the Super Bowl MVP?
A. Eli Manning or Tom Brady
B. Any Other Player

16. Which will happen during the game?
A. Tom Coughlin will throw his red flag first
B. Bill Belichick will throw his red flag first
C. Neither coach will throw a red flag the entire game

17. Which total will be greater?
A. Patriots’ rushing total
B. Giants’ rushing total

18. Which total will be greater?
A. The total number of points in the game
B. The length of the longest MADE field goal in the game

19. Will ANY of the following happen during the game?
1. A fan will run onto the field
2. Someone will be carted off the field
3. The game will go into overtime
4. Chad Ochocinco will catch a touchdown

A. Yes
B. No

20. Will Kelly Clarkson’s belly button be visible during the National Anthem?
A. Yes
B. No

TIEBREAKER: How many points will be scored in the THIRD QUARTER?

(My answers are in the comment section below. That is where to post yours as well.)

Okay, now to the actual game:

Giants (+2.5) over Patriots.

I was pretty confident in this pick around Sunday. Now I’m starting to worry about it. Here is my thought process:

There is not too much different from the matchup between the Giants/Patriots one in the Super Bowl and the Giants/Packers one we saw a few weeks ago. And that game was completely dominated by the Giants. Granted, they were aided by a few uncharacteristically dropped passes by the Green Bay receivers, but for the most part, the Giants had an answer for everything the Packers were doing.

But here is why the Patriots are slightly different than the Packers (Other than the fact that the Packers played the Giants outdoors in the cold, which could POSSIBLY explain the drops. Lucas Oil Stadium is of course indoors). The Patriots two best receivers can line up (and usually do) on the line in the box. They can pass block on occasion, or cut block then look for a pass. This type of formation/technique is a favorite of mine, and works effectively both in the NFL and when I play noobs in Madden.

The Giants should have a field day in the passing game. I can’t stress to you how bad the Patriots secondary is. You can get away with it when your pass rush steps up late in the season, or when you’re facing Tim Tebow in the playoffs who struggles to complete passes when there’s no defense, but now you’re facing the wrath of Eli. Plus I’m pretty sure Cruz, Nicks, or Manningham will find a way to get open against Julian Edelman.

If the Patriots do give Brady time, expect Wes Welker to have a big game. I love the Welker vs. the Giants’ secondary matchup for New England, especially when Deon Grant will be focused on Gronk most of the game.

Also, I wonder if the two-week break between games is going to ruin the momentum that the Giants have accumulated.

I’m just going to make my pick before I overthink it 20 more times. I’m going with:

GIANTS: 32, Patriots: 27.

Postseason:

Spread: 7-3

Non-Spread: 5-5

Championship Weekend:

Spread: 2-0

Non-Spread: 0-2

Good luck to everyone who posts their SB Prop picks below. Just the letter for each answer will suffice. I will buy the winner a drink next time I see them.

(Post your picks below. Really. What have you got to lose?)

NFL Championship Sunday Preview

2012-01-19T23:56:00.000-08:00

Ravens over PATRIOTS (-7.5)

The Patriots looked like a well-oiled machine in their divisional round playoff win over my Denver Broncos. The Ravens looked like, well a team that did what they needed to do to get the job done with an assist from Jacoby Jones and a few from T.J. Yates (on a separate note, Yates threw the ball well the majority of the game; it’s just that his mistakes, even though they were less numerous than Flacco’s, were a lot bigger. i.e. interceptions.) So since Tom Brady is no T.J. Yates, it should stand to reason that the Patriots will win comfortably, right?

No.

Here’s the thing: Denver is an anomaly. They get phased by weird things when it comes to defenses. Pittsburgh’s wasn’t much of a problem, whereas New England held them to one touchdown and a meaningless field goal after the game was out of reach. My theory on this is pretty simple: Tebow isn’t like most quarterbacks, ….if you haven’t realized. (Now stay with me on this, because I’m going to break down the Denver game, and then relay it to this week. I know, I know, Flacco, everyone talks about Tebow, but not you. Don't worry. I’ll get to you.) Let’s say there is no defense whatsoever and the offense is just running routes. There’s probably still times when the passes are incomplete. My point is that Pittsburgh did a good job with schemes that would allow one guy to break free and get to the quarterback. But when the play breaks down for Tebow, he goes into scramble/make-something-happen mode. And when he does this, that one guy who gets to Tebow is 9 times out of 10 not going to bring him down…if he’s by himself. Tebow can avoid defenders one at a time like almost no other quarterback. The Steelers got to him quick, usually with Timmons or Harrison. But never the whole package at once. The Patriots on the other hand did not get to him all that quickly, but they got to him all at the same time. There was nowhere for Tebow to go to because the whole line collapsed together. (Tebow struggles to read defenses as it is, plus our receivers aren’t great, so our offense can struggle even when there is no pressure on him.)

Flacco, however, is different. When he has time in the pocket, he can hit his receivers surprisingly accurately. In the Texans game however, there were plenty of times that the rush got to him. The Texans did a good job finding ways to get someone (usually JJ Watt) to make Flacco uncomfortable. And that’s all it took really, on Sunday. As soon as the play broke down, you knew Flacco was taking a sack, or making an errand pass. The Texans got to him quickly and often.

Now, flip to this Sunday. The Patriots still do not get to the quarterback that quickly. The performance in the Denver game I believe was a good matchup turning into favorable defensive stats. Give Flacco that amount of time, and the Ravens offense should be able to put up plenty of points on the scoreboard. (One caveat, if Ray Rice has a similar game as the one he had last Sunday, completely ignore that last sentence.) Rice torched the Patriots in their playoff game two years ago, although was held in check the last time they played in the regular season. This defense of the Patriots is not good; they are getting healthy, and the Denver game definitely gives them swagger, but after a few successful Ravens’ drives, that swagger could be gone.

Now, the problem is, the Patriots are no slouches on offense. The Gronk/Hernandez duo is a total nightmare for most defenses, throw in the always scrappy Wes Welker, the reliable Deion Branch, and when Belichick feels like rubbing it in, Chad Ochocinco, and you have yourselves a potent offense. The middle linebackers and safeties will have their hands full, while the D line and the outside linebackers led by T-Sizzle will need to make Brady throw before he wants to if the Ravens want to need less than 40 to win.

This is a favorable matchup for the Ravens. The Patriots don’t run the ball, and when they do, it’s not too successful. The Ravens love to pass rush. The Ravens have a pocket passer that’s itching to prove he can throw against mediocre a secondary in a big game. So far this postseason, when the matchup has been favorable (Denver against Pitt/NYG against GB), the underdog has taken advantage. I think that happens again here.

RAVENS 31; PATRIOTS 26.

Giants over NINERS (-2.5)

I mentioned this in a tweet last week, and I’ve said things like it before this past year: Whenever the Giants look really good, and everyone (particularly their fans) has faith in them, that’s when they like to drop a turd. See, 2007 worked because the whole time, no one thought they were going to win the next game (I say no one in a general sense, I don’t need to hear what your outrageous prediction going into the playoffs was that year…). More recently, this year, they looked awful against the Saints. Like, awful. Then their next two games, they go toe-to-toe with the Packers, which no one had done all year, and then they have that magnificent comeback performance against Dallas.

So naturally, just when people started believing (bELIeving, of course, which your can’t spell without ELI) again, boom, turd dropped. But then, lo, Jets game followed by Dallas part two game, and then Falcons annihilation and Packers manhandling… the question very well becomes… when is that turd coming? Will it be this week…? Super Bowl Sunday…?? Or, when Giants’ fans hope, not until September next season in a game they should win, probably against the Redskins…?

Granted…the above was merely trends… nothing that would pass for any traditional analysis on this upcoming game between what are two very surprising stories, and two teams that, before the season, I definitely did not expect to still be standing. You have to love the front seven of the Niners, and having three excellent pass rushers on one D-line like the Giants do is an offensive line’s nightmare.

So what is the key in all of this? What is going to decide the game? Well I’m glad you hypothetically asked! The answer is how the Niners choose to play the game. The Niners can do one thing that I do not think the Giants will be able to do. And that is run the ball effectively and take pressure off of their quarterback. Frank Gore is the key to this game. How the Niners choose to use him, how he performs against what isn’t a great run defense, and how Alex Smith plays off of the running game if it opens up, should give San Francisco an advantage. The Niners can rush Manning and they also have the secondary to capitalize on mistakes. They have been doing so all year.

T,he Giants, have not had a great secondary all year, but granted, they have dealt with numerous injuries all year, plus I believe they are at their healthiest point all season right now. Healthy is good. Also, their receivers (other than Ballard) on Sunday caught just about everything that was thrown their way, whereas the Packers' receivers uncharacteristically had the dropsies.

(One last sidenote...can you please stop telling me that the Packers' receivers are that much better than the Saints'? I always hear, "oh but Rodgers has so many weapons..." ...what do you think Brees has? I'll give you if we're doing just top two WR's, then yes, I'll take Jennings and Nelson over Colston and whichever wideout is #2 on the Saints' depth chart this week... but overall? It's pretty much a toss-up people... Henderson, Moore, Meachem. Plus Brees has the luxury of Sproles in his backfield as a pass-catcher. And, oh yeah, almost forgot.... Jimmy Graham, the best rookie tight end with a GR- last name this year, not named Gronkowski... aka the second best tight end, period. Look, Brees has weapons, Rodgers has weapons. No denying that. Both of them have had tremendous seasons that, unfortunately for them, wrapped up last week. If you think Brees has had a better season than Rodgers, then he is your MVP. I think Rodgers has, so he would get my vote. It is really close. But don't use extraneous reasoning like "QB X has a better team around him", or my personal anti-favorite, "well if you take QB X off of team X, they would still be good." Really? That's how we're deciding MVP's? So if Matt Flynn went out there and looked like the second coming of JaMarcus Russell, Rodgers would have a better case for MVP? Plus, it was a meaningless game...don't you think the QB who is trying to prove he can play in the league as a starter might be a little motivated to perform well in that game than Rodgers? Just saying. Hypotheticals and what-if's as reasons for MVP awards do not make sense to me. Grade the performances you see on the field, and take it from there. [drops mic])

But anyway, this really is a tough game to predict. I've gone back and forth on this a bunch...

But I can’t resist. SupHAR BOUGH it is.

49ERS: 22, GIANTS: 20.

PLAYOFF RECORD:

Last week:

Spread: 2-2
Non-Spread: 3-1

Playoffs:

Spread: 5-3
Non-Spread: 6-2

NBA Preview

2012-01-13T13:04:00.001-08:00

NBA Preview

East:

1. HEAT

2. BULLS

3. CELTICS

4. SIXERS

5. MAGIC

6. PACERS

7. KNICKS

8. HAWKS

West:

1. THUNDER

TRAILBLAZERS
NUGGETS
SPURS
MAVS
CLIPPERS
LAKERS
ROCKETS

Notes – Spurs are hurt by the Ginobili loss but I still think they get the 2 seed over Dallas. I like the Celtics to regroup and take the Atlantic. Grizzlies are hurt by the Randolph injury, otherwise they would get 8^th over the Rockets, who I still don’t have much faith in. In the east, the Hawks are hurt by the Horford injury, but I can’t take Cleveland over them, come on.

Early finals prediction: Heat over Celtics in 6 in ECF. Thunder over Nuggets in 7. Heat over Thunder in 5.

Comments? Leave one.

Wild Card Weekend Preview

2012-01-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

I haven’t written anything for awhile, and I apologize for that. I was busy doing one of the following: (a.) watching tv series’ that I got for Christmas, (b.) celebrating the New Year in Baltimore perhaps a bit too hard, (c.) watching my team painfully back into the playoffs, (d.) applying for way more jobs than I should have, or (e.) writing things for people/companies that aren’t worth my time. So, it’s good to be back at my favorite place to write.

I am eventually going to get an NBA Preview written. I tweeted here and here Christmas day briefly my quick NBA regular season standings, and I’m pleased with how most of them are looking, but will probably fix the west slightly to adjust for key injuries. I know, I shouldn’t be able to do that. Oh well. It’s my blog. It’s pretty much the only thing I can 100% control right now.

Anyway back to football.

Some quick points on this year’s playoff teams:

1. I cannot remember a year before this one where the top teams in the playoffs have had this many obvious flaws/injuries. It won’t be easy to beat the Packers/Saints/Patriots, but it really does not take a genius to game plan for them, does it? Ball control, short passes, run as successfully as possible, don’t go after their one big playmaker on defense, keep their hot QB on the sidelines, and when he is on the field, rush the bejesus out of him because he is most likely going to complete passes anyway. As for the Steelers, these mounting injuries are just awful. If I were a Steelers fan, I’d look at the AFC and go, really? This should be even easier than last year, but now our quarterback is as mobile as a chair without wheels, our running back is gone and now we have a guy who fumbled twice against the Browns, we’re starting some fat guy from row 12 in our offensive line, and our safety can’t play in the first round or he might die. I just don’t see how the Ravens don’t come out of the AFC. More on that next week…

2. I think the Patriots fans should be rooting for the Broncos on Sunday possibly even more than Broncos fans like me should be. Here’s why: The Patriots’ defense is atrocious. Particularly their pass defense. But let’s take a look at the other 5 quarterbacks in the AFC. Joe Flacco (meh), T.J. Yates (with, of course, the threat of Jake Delhomme), Tim Tebow (rolls eyes), Andy Dalton (please…), and then Ben Roethlisberger. If the Broncos were to somehow, someway take out the Steelers… the Patriots’ dreadful secondary would possibly only have to face a rookie and one slightly above average quarterback to reach the Super Bowl.

3. I’m starting to think we actually won’t get the Packers/Saints NFC Championship game that we all (well, I at least) have been pushing for since Week 10. It just seems too obvious. These are the playoffs, remember. This is the same spot where the 7-9 Seahawks beat went #BeastMode all over the Saints last year. The Lions match up horribly against the Saints, so I highly doubt that happens this year, but I have a strange feeling that either the Saints or Packers go down in the divisional round. I hope I’m wrong.

4. The Falcons and Bengals are frauds. I do not understand why people think either team is good. Yet I can already see both of them possibly advancing because the Texans forgot how to win since they got that whole clinch-a-playoff-spot monkey off of their back, and the New York Giants are just as predictable as … hold on, before I make that analogy, I take it back. The Giants aren’t unpredictable at all! Rather, just when you think you have them figured out, they consistently prove you wrong. They always do this! Just when you thought they sucked, boom, Packers game and Cowboys game. Just when you thought they were great, boom, Redskins game. Forget the RomoCoaster, there should be an entire NFC East coaster.

5. I think I speak for every rational Broncos fan when I say, stop teasing me with these Steelers injuries. Stop it. We’re not doing anything right offensively, why would it start now against the #1 ranked defense in the league? It’s like the football gods are trying to make this game close, just to rip my heart out at the end. (Also, scroll down about midway in this Bill Simmons piece, until you get to the email from Brett from Arkansas. I would take that deal in a heartbeat.)

Ok, time for some picks.

I didn’t post my picks on here, but I went 8-8, winning every game after 4:00 except the Steelers and only getting the Packers, Eagles and Bears right in the early games (thanks Jets for that last minute touchdown. I guess since you wrecked your winning season, you had to score that last touchdown to wreck my winning record in week 17.)

I finished the season 130-126 against the spread and a lot better without it.

As for this weekend:

TEXANS over Bengals (+3)

I have little confidence in this one, but I’m using logic. Logic in the fact that Houston beat Cincinnati earlier, with T.J. Yates, at Cincinnati, and now gets to play them in a packed Houston house that hasn’t seen a playoff game I think since that one year the Yao and McGrady were both not injured…at least, at the end of the season.

Houston: 23, Cincinnati: 17

Lions over SAINTS (-10.5)

Here’s the thing about the Lions: They can still score points. I’m not sure who is going to cover Calvin Johnson, but I would still throw him the ball regardless. Also, if the Saints get down 3 at the half like 17-14, and then maybe by 10 midway through the third, the whole building is going to be thinking “not again…not this late game wildcard weekend shit, againnnnn”.

New Orleans: 34, Detroit: 30

GIANTS over Falcons (+3)

I think I'm most confident about this pick. But I'm actually more confident you will see each of the following: a 7-yard completion from Eli to Victor Cruz that goes for 60 more yards after the catch, inflating Eli’s stat line; a series where Matt Ryan only throws to Tony Gonzalez, and then doesn’t throw to him the rest of the game; Michael Turner getting stuffed on third and short, followed by a shot of Mike Smith gritting his teeth, smiling, looking to the sky, and sending in the kicker; and of course the Falcons wide receiver with dreadlocks that isn’t on your fantasy team scoring a touchdown. The Playoffs!

New York: 27, Atlanta: 17

BRONCOS over Steelers (-9)

Here’s the thing: the Steelers have not blown out bad teams on the road, like, all year (except for week 2). And now they are supposed to do it without some of their key players and when their quarterback is going to be scrambling on one good leg, while Jesus is on the other sideline? I see them winning comfortably, but not by nine, if that makes sense.

Pittsburgh: 16, Denver: 9

Happy New Year, everyone!

NFL Week 16 Handicapper

2011-12-23T19:22:00.001-08:00

Week 16 PICKS

Home teams is CAPS:

BILLS over Broncos (-3.5)

Cardinals over BENGALS (-4.5) (and to win)

Browns over RAVENS (-13.5)

TITANS over Jaguars (+7.5)

Raiders over CHIEFS (-0.5) (and to win)

Rams over STEELERS (-15.5) (thank you, pre-Big Ben status line)

PATRIOTS over Dolphins (+10.5)

REDSKINS over Vikings (+6.5)

JETS over Giants (+2.5)

PANTHERS over Bucs (+7.5)

Chargers over LIONS (-2.5) (and to win)

Eagles over COWBOYS (-2.5) (and to win)

SEAHAWKS over 49ers (-2.5) (and to win)

PACKERS over Bears (+12.5)

Falcons over SAINTS (-6.5)

LAST WEEK:

Spread: 9-7

Non-Spread: 7-9

SEASON:

Spread: 116-108

Non-Spread: 140-82

NFL Week 15 Handicapper

2011-12-17T08:10:00.000-08:00

Jaguars at Falcons (-11.5)

This already happened, but I wanted to show people that I finally got another Thursday game correct, giving me a grand total of 2 with the spread (Packers/Lions)

Pick: Falcons

Cowboys at Bucs (+6.5)

It is rare that there are teams that I trust the Cowboys to beat by more than a touchdown. So at least feel good about that, Tampa.

Pick: Cowboys

Dolphins at Bills (PK)

This is tough because it’s a pick-em spread, which means that you have to straight up pick a winner. And that’s pretty tough to do considering the Bills have been in freefall mode ever since they gave Ryan Fitzpatrick an 11-year, $100 billion contract* and the Dolphins just fired their coach 5 weeks since the last time they played poorly. So I don’t exactly think of either of these teams as winners. Maybe I’ll predict a tie.

*figures estimated

Pick: Dolphins

Seahawks at Bears (-4.5)

I think this line moved down to 3.5 which makes sense, considering one team is on the rise and the other is giving up hail mary passes to Tyler Palko and voluntarily giving Tim Tebow time on the clock. Did I convince you yet?

Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Bengals at Rams (+6.5)

What do you think the chances are that Josh McDaniels hires a stand-in to run the Rams offense this weekend so he can fly to Denver in disguise to watch his beloved Tim Tebow face his dear Tom Brady?

Pick: Bengals

Packers at Chiefs (+13.5)

If you told me one of these two teams had their star receiver injured this past weekend, I would have bet the house that it was Kansas City, considering Matt Cassell, Jamaal Charles, and Eric Berry have missed a combined 32 games. In other news, don’t you think the Packers secretly love the fact that Denver is getting all the attention? They might go 19-0 and only remembered for being the first team to beat Tebow in a close game in their 24-21 victory in Super Bowl XLVI.

Pick: Packers

Titans at Colts (+6.5)

Just throw the ball, Jake! Just throw it! Don’t take a sack!

Also, if the Colts were to somehow win in either this game or against the Texans and then inevitably destroy Jacksonville in Week 17, it would be possible for them to get the #2 or #3 pick, which would be just their….LUCK. #horriblepuns

Pick: Titans

Saints at Vikings (-7.5)

Two years ago, this was the NFC Championship. Just saying.

Pick: Saints

Redskins at Giants (-7.5)

I want the Giants to win the NFC East pretty badly, mostly so we can get a Giants/Falcons first round game and a favorable line so I can bet the house against the Falcons, and I can’t do that if Tony Romo is quarterbacking the NFC East champions. So let’s go G-MEN!

Pick: Giants

Panthers at Texans (-6.5)

The Texans are currently the #1 seed in the AFC, but if they win out, the Patriots win out, and the Ravens win out, they end up with the #3 seed. What a pretty crappy deal that is! The Texans are the Boise State of the AFC.

Pick: Panthers

Lions at Raiders (+1.5)

This has Raiders rebound game written all over it, although I must say, those past two games against the Dolphins and Packers were probably the worst games I’ve seen the Raiders play since … well, the Jamarcus Russell days… but yeah, they were bad.

Pick: Raiders (and to win)

Browns at Cardinals (-6.5)

So who’s pumped for week 17 to see the play-in game between Arizona and Seattle for the 6 seed in the NFC? I’m not kidding.

Pick: Cardinals

Patriots at Broncos (+6.5)

I hate everything about this game. I hate the matchup. I hate that we’re 6-1 against Tom Brady. I hate that this line is absurdly unfair to the Broncos. I hate that we used to matchup decently against the Patriots but now matchup better against a Steelers or Texans team. I hate that the Patriots can stop the run but not the pass. Most of all, I hate being in the Philadelphia area so I don’t get this game because NBC decided not to flex Tim Tebow versus Tom Brady, but keep Joe Flacco versus Philip Rivers. Here’s to hoping for another heart attack.

Pick: Broncos

Jets at Eagles (-2.5)

So when the Jets and Ravens meet in the Divisional round, are we going to get a better game than we saw in week 4? Please say yes. Also, I feel sorry for the 50 yard line this weekend when Andy Reid and Rex Ryan meet to shake hands after the game.

Pick: Jets (and to win)

Ravens at Chargers (+2.5)

I’m picking against San Diego in December. Remind me I did this when they win the division, please. Thanks.

Pick: Ravens

Steelers at 49ers (-1.5)

Best line on Twitter I saw during last week’s Steelers/Browns Thursday game: “Ben Roethlisberger will just not be denied, even when limp.”

Pick: Steelers (and to win)

Last week:

Spread: 9-7

Non-Spread: 10-6

Overall:

Spread: 107-101

Non-Spread: 133-73

NFL Week 14 Handicapper (and Power Poll!)

2011-12-10T14:53:00.000-08:00

ROMO POWER POLL:

I got into a slight debate this past week with a few of my friends as to who the top teams in the league are right now. Granted, I am not really a fan of power rankings that much, but nonetheless they are always a good discussion, and everyone has their own opinion.

The thing that I was arguing foremost before it got into a power ranking discussion, was that, as a whole, the NFL is having a down year production-wise. This point would be way easier to see for other people if it were not for the season Green Bay is having (grrrr…how dare you play football at a high level…). I think there were a few things that were either lost on what I was saying, or just need added emphasis. First off, even though I think this (and so should you, it is quite obvious), it is not necessarily a bad thing. The entire AFC and the rest of the NFC (for what it’s worth) are completely wide open. There is a case for all four 9-3 teams in the AFC (let’s say that Pitt is still 9-3) as to who is the best team. Also, the slew of 7-5 teams in both conferences makes for some very intriguing games to say the least, even if it isn’t the best football you’ll see in your lifetime.

Anyway, the main thing is this: Both the AFC and the NFC are having down years.

This is the best way I can explain it: Let’s look at the AFC first. The Ravens, Patriots, and Steelers are all 9-3…But haven’t we seen them all play better football in years past? Last year, the Patriots went 14-2 and Brady threw 4 interceptions all year. They had the best offense in the league and an above-average defense that did not allow many points. This year’s team is not nearly as good. Steelers? Last year had the best defense as far as points allowed and Roethlisberger had just 5 interceptions. The 2008 team that won the Super Bowl had a way better defense and more efficient offense. Essentially they looked better in 2008 and 2010 than they do this year as well. And the Ravens? While the Ravens have improved defensively from their past 2 years, the offense is pretty much exactly the same where it has been the past two, with the exception of Ray Rice’s productivity increase. Plus, while they in my opinion are the best team in the AFC so far this year, their unpredictability has caused concern heading into the playoffs. Looking at other teams, the Jets, although they will probably finish the regular season with at least a 9-7 record and possibly a 10-6 one, which would give them their best regular season finish under Rex Ryan, they too have looked better in years past. The Texans have significantly improved on defense, and have a great running game, but there are causes of concern since they are without their first two quarterbacks and have Andre Johnson on and off again with reoccurring injuries.

In the NFC, there is a similar story. Ignore the Packers for a second again. The two other best teams in the conference are the 10-2 49ers and the 9-3 Saints. The 49ers are a great story and Jim Harbaugh is likely the coach of the year. But do the 49ers really scare anybody? There is no denying that they have a great defense, but offensively they could not do a single thing against Baltimore on Thanksgiving. Shutting out the Rams is cool, but you are not facing the Rams in the playoffs. The Saints and Packers can score. Speaking of the Saints, they just look completely lost at times on defense. The Packers rank lower defensively, but there at least seems to be some sort of sense that everyone is on the same page, and they know they can afford to gamble. The Saints defense at least once a week has two safeties looking at each other in confusion. All I know is that if the second best team the NFC has to offer is the 2011 version of the 49ers or the Saints, the 2009 Vikings are probably in complete disbelief.

And while the Packers are having a tremendous season, has their offense really improved more than their defense has fallen? Would the 2010 Packers beat the 2011 Packers? Plus, what if they do not win it all? Even if they do finish 16-0, it would then be seen as a down year for them too, would it not?

So now, without further ado, here is, with 4 games left to go, the 2011 ROMO POWER POLL.

1. Packers – duh.

2. Ravens – Most complete team in the AFC, beaten the Steelers twice, have the formula to win in the playoffs. Also, winning against quality teams should count more than losing against bad teams.

3. Steelers – Big Ben isn’t having his best year, but he’s still having a good one. Beat New England, lost to Houston and Baltimore.

4. Saints – Slightly better than San Francisco, need to win a game away from the dome.

5. Patriots – Very solid offensively, questionable at times on defense. Beat Oakland on the road, and NYJ twice, have an easy schedule rest of the way minus a trip to Denver.

6. 49ers – Very solid defensively but have not beaten anyone good. Alex Smith is having his best year, but I’ll let you know when I trust him.

7. Texans – Would be higher most likely without their injuries. Very solid on both sides of the ball. TJ Yates has to be a good game manager for them to do anything in the postseason

(Note: 2-7 are incredibly bunched together. Could be considered 2a.-2f.)

And here comes the mess of 7-5 teams that are incredibly tough to separate. None of them are any good, but because #’s 2-7 are all beatable, we still must pay attention to them.

8. Lions – I really wanted to pick someone else to go here, but due to their offensive capability, they get here by default. Built to destroy bad teams, and play mediocre against good teams.

9. Broncos – Clearly jinxing my own team, but again, who else should go here? Improved defensively (though not as much as everybody thinks), wins against other 7-5 teams (Jets, Bengals) are another reason they are up here.

10. Jets – Literally, every time I look to come up with who to put next, I go to type it am just like “Really? (team x) is the (eighth, ninth, and now tenth) best team in the NFL?” Very good defensively, starting to trust their run game again, and Sanchez is back to fooling us into thinking he’s decent again.

11. Bengals – Some people have them way higher, others have them lower…but they would currently have the sixth AFC seed right now. I actually think the Titans are a better team, but they did win at Nashville.

12. Titans – Sneaky team that could grab the last spot. Chris Johnson is looking like he deserves half the money he got in his contract again.

13. Falcons – I’m sorry, but I must have missed the meeting where we decided that the Falcons were head and shoulders above every other 7-5 team. Matt Ryan just looks lost at times, especially against good defenses. They won at Detroit, and home against Tennessee, but lost against Tampa and Chicago, plus at home against a Saints team that tried to give them that game…until they decided they would rather re-gift the game back to New Orleans.

14. Cowboys – God the NFC East is so bad this year. Romo has games where he looks like everything is going for him, and then he has others where he gets fooled by some of the easiest coverages. (Hint, don’t throw to Revis, ESPECIALLY if he has over the top help)

15. Raiders – The defensive woes are starting to mount. Beat the Jets and the Texans in that Win for Al Davis game, but lost to the Chiefs, Bills, and the Dolphins.

16. Giants – Another Jekyll and Hyde team, but at least looked good last week despite losing. If they can play consistently like that, they’ll make the playoffs, but the thing is, they can’t.

17. Bears – Would be higher if they still had Matt Forte and to a lesser degree Jay Cutler. And as my friend Adam Vida would say, if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.

(Note: to save you and me time, I’ll just list the rest of my teams)

18. Seahawks

19. Cardinals

20. Chargers

21. Dolphins

22. Bills

23. Eagles

24. Panthers

25. Chiefs

26. Redskins

27. Bucs

28. Browns

29. Jaguars

30. Vikings

31. Rams

32. Colts

That was completely vomit-endusing. I don’t know how anyone can say the NFC or AFC is not having down years. Just ask yourself, does my team honestly look better this year than it does last year. Chances are you are saying no. (I admittedly am saying yes, but …c’mon.)

Let’s get to some picks.

Falcons at Panthers (+2.5)

Despite the Falcons’ offense looking completely inept the last couple weeks, they now get to play the Panthers which seems to be the cure to most teams’ offensive woes. Also, I’ve now read articles in the past week about how Aaron Rodgers is not the MVP (Brady is) and Cam Newton is not the Rookie of the Year (Andy Dalton is). Honestly, people, why make your job harder than it needs to be. This is the easiest year in the last five to pick both those awards. (Hint: it’s not Brady or Dalton)

Pick: Falcons

Texans at Bengals (-3.5)

This is a bad matchup for the Texans, but could be what the T.J. Yates doubters need to realize that the Texans will be alright without Matt Schaub. The Bengals are probably the best out of the AFC’s 7-5 teams, but that does not really say much.

Pick: Bengals

Vikings at Lions (-7.5)

The Lions are built to feast on bad teams, and if Tim Tebow can torch your secondary, Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson should be resting in the fourth quarter.

Pick: Lions

Saints at Titans (+3.5)

This past week or so I have spent defending two teams in particular: the Texans and the Saints. However, I feel like both of them go down this week due to bad matchups. Also, it hardly seems fair that Chris Johnson is good again right before the fantasy playoffs.

Pick: Titans (and to win)

Colts at Ravens (-16.5)

You know, it IS time for the Ravens customary “one step back” part of their “three steps forward then one step back” routine that they are doing this season… Just saying.

Pick: Colts

Chiefs at Jets (-8.5)

Oh man the Chiefs have become a terrible team. Meanwhile, the Jets need this game to keep pace with the 7-5’s of the world. Plus the week 17 game against the Dolphins is probably going to be a competitive game instead of the usual “We will now rest our starters and allow the Jets to make the playoffs” end-of-the-year game.

Pick: Jets

Eagles at Dolphins (-3.5)

The Dolphins have clearly turned it around since their 0-7 start. In other news, would the rest of the NFC East please stop sucking so I don’t have to hear every local reporter keep saying “you know (laughs) as bad as it’s been (looks to the other reporters) the Eagles are actually still in this!”

Pick: Eagles (and to win)

Patriots at Redskins (+8.5)

Patriots win big. Bonus prediction: Every time the Pats get into the red zone this week, Belichick will have Brady will throw to Aaron Hernandez this week instead of Rob Gronkowski, solely to piss off the fantasy owners that have rode Gronk’s coattails all year long.

Pick: Patriots

Buccaneers at Jaguars (+1.5)

In depth Bucs-Jags analysis! Click here!

Pick: Buccaneers

Bears at Broncos (-3.5)

Last week’s Broncos game will hopefully show people two things. First, people have wanted to deflect praise from Tebow for so long, and have done so by giving it to our defense. They have done so for so long now, that our defense is now more overrated than our quarterback. In fact, while they have played infinitely better than I’ve seen them play the past 4 years, it still is a very beatable defense, especially if you can avoid the pass rush. The second thing is that Tebow can get better as a passer, he just needs the reps. That’s why, god forbid, if we ever get a game where we are leading by a comfortable margin, I want to see nothing but passes instead of the usual runs to kill the clock. Also, this is the first time that the Broncos were even good enough to warrant a trap game in forever.

Pick: Bears

49ers at Cardinals (+3.5)

Answer me this: Of all the teams 7-5 or better, how many have improved in BOTH offense and defense from last year? (Hint: one, the 49ers).

Pick: 49ers

Bills at Chargers (-6.5)

If you want an outside chance at making a lot of money, put a small amount of money on the Chargers winning the Super Bowl. I’ll believe they don’t win the AFC West when I see it.

Pick: Chargers

Raiders at Packers (-11.5)

This is another somewhat favorable matchup for the team facing the Packers. But before you go making any bold predictions, just think: What do I trust more late in the game, Aaron Rodgers with the season he’s on, or Carson Palmer against an opportunistic defense?

Pick: Packers

Giants at Cowboys (-3.5)

The Giants played their best game of the season and still lost. The Cowboys could have basically wrapped up the division despite the two Giants games still left to go, but iced their own kicker. The NFC East!

Pick: Giants (and to win)

Rams at Seahawks (-6.5)

I’m going to throw out a confession: I would watch the Seahawks play the Dolphins right now and probably be thoroughly entertained.

Pick: Seahawks

Last Week:

Spread: 11-5
Non Spread: 12-4

Season:

Spread: 98-94 (back over .500 bitches!)
Non-Spread: 123-68

NFL Handicapper Week 13

2011-12-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

No witty descriptions today unfortunately, since my computer crashed last night and didn't save...thankfully that never happened at school.

Anyway, here are the picks, home teams CAPS:

Falcons (-2.5) over TEXANS
Titans (+1.5) over BILLS - and to win
Chiefs (+8.5) over BEARS
Bengals (+7.5) over STEELERS
Broncos (+1.5) over VIKINGS - and to win
PATRIOTS (-20.5) over Colts
Raiders (+2.5) over DOLPHINS
Jets (-3.5) over REDSKINS
Panthers (+1.5) over BUCS - and to win
Ravens (-6.5) over BROWNS
CARDINALS (+6.5) over Cowboys
GIANTS (+6.5) over Packers
Rams (+13.5) over 49ERS
SAINTS (-6.5) over Lions
Chargers (-2.5) over JAGUARS

NFL Handicapper Week 12

2011-11-26T09:09:00.000-08:00

Vikings at Falcons (-9.5)

This game brings up memories of the 1998 NFC Championship Game when Gary Anderson missed a field goal and Chris Chandler led a game-tying drive for the Falcons, who went on to win in overtime 30-27. The Vikings had gone 15-1 that season and had not lost at home all season, and scored 556 points in the regular season. Vikings then-coach Dennis Green later admitted that the Vikings were who he thought they were: playoff chokers.

Pick: Falcons

Bills at Jets (-8.5)

These teams combined last week to lose games to teams quarterbacked by Matt Moore and Tim Tebow.

Pick: Jets

Browns at Bengals (-7.5)

Remember that game 4 years ago when the Browns and Bengals exploded for a 51-45 game, where Derek Anderson and Carson Palmer combined for 11 touchdown passes? This game won’t be nearly as exciting.

Pick: Bengals

Bucs at Titans (-3.5)

Tampa has been a pretty big disappointment thus far, but you know what would be a bigger disappointment? If the Titans allow a Matt Leinart-led team to win the AFC South.

Pick: Titans

Panthers at Colts (+3.5)

If not now, Indy, when?

Pick: Panthers

Cardinals at Rams (-3.5)

I don’t care who starts for Arizona, the St. Louis Rams are not good enough to be 3.5 point favorites, ever.

Pick: Cardinals (and to win)

Texans at Jaguars (+3.5)

Oh man, how much does the Matt Schaub injury suck for the AFC? (Well I mean, for neutral AFC fans. Obviously it’s pretty good for the other 5 playoff teams…) Now that the Texans are going to be one and done in the playoffs at best, who votes we move the Patriots to the AFC North, kick the Browns out, and make them just play each other the rest of the year and select the conference champ BCS-style?

Pick: Texans

Bears at Raiders (-4.5)

Caleb Hanie is now starting for the Bears. He is now entrusted with the difficult task of doing three things: 1. Hand the ball off to Forte, 2. Throw a few screen passes to Forte, 3. Get ready to go on the field, and then sit back down again once a game because Devin Hester returned a kick for a touchdown.

Pick: Bears (and to win)

Redskins at Seahawks (-4.5)

The Seahawks are actually set up to go 7-9 again, which has to be disappointing since that won’t win them a division title this year.

Pick: Seahawks

Broncos at Chargers (-6.5)

True story: The NFL fined Von Miller $25,000 for his hit on Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez last Thursday. His response: Which one of my four hits on him are we talking about?

Pick: Chargers

Patriots at Eagles (+4.5)

If the Eagles pull this one out, I will break out the old VY Titans jersey and say nothing except “All Vince Young does is win football games!” for an entire day.

Pick: Patriots

Steelers at Chiefs (+10.5)

So this game did not get flexed out of Sunday Night because at the time, the Chiefs were “tied for first in their division”. Exactly why it should have been flexed out…they are still in the AFC West.

Pick: Steelers

Giants at Saints (-6.5)

Sometimes I think the two New York teams compete with each other for things they really shouldn’t. “Today, we will lose against a team that we can probably beat.” “Oh yeah, well WE will lose against a team we can probably beat but do so in heartbreak fashion.” Then the next week… “You call that heartbreak fashion? THIS is heartbreak fashion! And, we did it on Prime Time!” … “Oh yeah, well WE can lose in heartbreak fashion on a bigger Prime Time channel to our division rival who isn’t any good anymore!” Your move, Jets.

Pick: Saints

Last Week:

Spread: 3-11 (yes... 3-11)

Non-Spread: 9-5

Season:

Spread: 79-81

Non-Spread: 101-59

NFL Handicapper Week 11

2011-11-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

Here is where I predict the upcoming weekend's games, both with and without the spread. But let's be honest. This week's big game already happened on Thursday, when Tim Tebow showed the world that he is Christ Almighty.

As a Broncos fan, I of course cannot get enough. But I am smart about it. I won't even watch the first 3 quarters anymore. There's no need. From now on, I will watch the replay of a LeBron James game for the first three quarters and then switch over to the Broncos during the start of the fourth. That way everyone looks amazing.

So in the spirit of Tebow, here are this week's picks.

Bills at Dolphins (-2.5)

Ah, Miami, where Tebowmania first began. Or at least this year. The Bills and Dolphins seem to be headed in opposite directions, with the Dolphins winning two straight and the Bills losing two straight. If they lose this one, I don’t even think Tebow could save them or their season.

Pick: Dolphins

Bengals at Ravens (-7.5)

Baltimore – the city I was living in when the Broncos drafted Tim Tebow. I remember it because I walked out of the room frustrated and mumbling stuff…which is how I imagine Ravens’ fans must have felt after last week’s game.

Pick: Ravens

Jaguars at Browns (PK)

A few years back, Jacksonville fans (yes, they exist) wore custom-made Tim Tebow, Jacksonville jerseys in the final weeks of their dismal season, showing their support for management to sign local hero, Tim. This week they shall be rewarded for their effort.

Pick: Jaguars

Cowboys at Redskins (+7.5)

Tony Romo has played exceptional in the beginning of NFL games this season, but quite lackluster in the final minutes. This is simply not the method our chosen one has showed us to go about doing things. Perhaps Romo is the anti-Tebow. Or the devil, even. But the devil has power, too. Although he probably wouldn’t need it to defeat the Redskins.

Pick: Cowboys

Panthers at Lions (-7.5)

Caaaaam Newton is back where he belongs: as a heavy underdog against an overrated team so I can pick the points. Also, he was often compared in college to Tebow!

Pick: Panthers

Bucs at Packers (-14.5)

Awhile back, I said the two games that I could see the Packers losing this year were the Bears game in Week 16, and this tilt this week. It does not appear as though the latter is likely to happen, but then again it also didn’t appear likely that Tebow would lead the Broncos to victory last week, let alone survive 40 days in the desert.

Pick: Packers

Raiders at Vikings (+1.5)

If the Raiders lose, the Tebows will be tied for first place. Also, early in the week, the Vikings were favored to win by 1.5, which is a little strange. Did the oddsmakers not realize that Oakland had 10 days to prepare for Minnesota? Or, in other terms, 4 more days than their starting quarterback had to prepare before playing in his professional first game this year.

Pick: Raiders

Seahawks at Rams (-2.5)

The Seahawks used to play in the AFC West, but that was a long time ago. I believe they moved to the NFC in 2002, or Year 9 BT (before Tebow).

Pick: Rams

Cardinals at 49ers (-9.5)

Last week, everyone in the NFC West won. This week, the four teams play each other, so that will clearly not be the case this week. But you know what division CAN still have all four teams win? The division Tim Tebow is in, the AFC West. (Nah, just kidding, all of those teams are terrible.)

Pick: Cardinals

Titans at Falcons (-6.5)

Mike Smith gambled last week (as I wrote here). The gamble showed that he had absolutely no faith in his defense to stop Drew Brees. You know who does have faith? George Michael.

...

You know who else does? This man.

Ok and so does Tim Tebow.

Pick: Falcons

Chargers at Bears (-3.5)

Ah, Philip Rivers vs. Jay Cutler. These two QB’s know each other well, as Cutler used to lead the Denver Broncos’ offense. Neither of these fellows are really that likable, as Rivers was once seen on the sideline taunting Cutler on Christmas Eve 2007 (not to mention he seems like a prick). Meanwhile, Cutler always appears mopey and never looks like he’s having fun, and frequently yells at receivers when they don’t catch his passes, that are usually overthrown, fired into the ground, or unnecessarily fast just to show off his arm. Clearly neither of these two quarterbacks are anything like Tim Tebow. Although give credit where it is due, Philip Rivers used to be able to throw the ball but in a clear effort to become more like our chosen one, he has unlearned that technique.

Pick: Bears

Eagles at Giants (-6.5)

Mike Vick will not play this week, so it looks as if Vince Young will get the start. I used to say back a few years back when Young was a starter “All Vince Young does is win football games”, half because it was true, and half because it was fun to say. While it would be fun to start it up again with the alteration “All Tim Tebow does is win football games” that is simply untrue. Tebow also originates missions in third world countries. So that won’t work. Thus, the new catchphrase I have come up with is: “All Vince Young does is make stupid comments and thus doom his team’s season before it even starts.”

Pick: Giants

Chiefs at Patriots (-14.5)

Tyler Palko on Monday Night ladies and gents. We are all about to witness a legend in the making. Much like we witnessed on Thursday. God Bless.

Pick: Chiefs (and to win)

Last week:

Spread: 7-9

Non-Spread: 7-9

Season:

Spread: 76-70

Non-Spread: 92-54

NFL Handicapper Week 10

2011-11-11T15:33:00.000-08:00

Saints at Falcons (PK)

Julio Jones had three catches last week for 131 yards and two touchdowns, and of course, I was going against him in one of my fantasy leagues. We haven’t seen this much efficiency in Atlanta work against me since the Braves choked away the wildcard to the Cardinals.

Pick: Saints

Bills at Cowboys (-5.5)

Some astute football writer wrote a beautiful piece on the Bills’ loss at home to the Jets. If they can win this game, that loss won’t mean quite as much, but I think it may have been the beginning of the end of their fairy-tale season.

Pick: Bills

Steelers at Bengals (+3.5)

The Bengals finally get to play the hard part of their schedule. So far, Andy Dalton and the Bengals have a remarkable 6-2 record and haven’t even broken a sweat. Assuming that, gingers can sweat.

Pick: Steelers

Rams at Browns (-2.5)

We’ll know a lot about the Rams after this game, because if they can lose to the Browns, then they REALLY are going all in for SUCKFORLUCK.

Pick: Browns

Broncos at Chiefs (-3.5)

The Chiefs won four in a row before they lost at home 31-3 to the previously winless Miami Dolphins. The Broncos, meanwhile, seeing that the Chiefs couldn’t stop the team that made the wildcat famous, will now try their QB option attack on them.

Pick: Chiefs

Titans at Panthers (-2.5)

I can’t for the life of me figure out the Titans this year, so I’ll focus on the Panthers. Cam Newton has impressed me in every one of his games, yet somehow only has two wins. I’m just going to continue the trends. Cam plays great, but Titans inexplicably have one of their amazing games, and then look bad for the next two weeks.

Pick: Titans (and to win)

Jaguars at Colts (+2.5)

Colts fans are rumored to now be wearing Luck jerseys to games. But here’s a fun fact: The Colts actually have the higher rated QB in this game. Colts get the win, and the SUCKFORLUCK campaign becomes a race again.

Pick: Colts (and to win)

Redskins at Dolphins (-3.5)

There are a ridiculous amount of 3.5 or 2.5 spreads this week. It’s like Vegas got lazy or something. Unlike this blog. I never mail it in….

Pick: Dolphins

Cardinals at Eagles (-13.5)

Wouldn’t it be awkward if Kevin Kolb plays and then plays better than Vick??

Pick: Cardinals

Texans at Bucs (+3.5)

Did you know that the Texans would be the two seed right now in the AFC? But do you really think the Steelers, Jets, Patriots, or Ravens are shaking in their boots thinking “Boy I really hope we don’t have to go TO Houston in the playoffs!”

Pick: Texans

Ravens at Seahawks (+7.5)

This is such an obvious trap game for Baltimore that I will assume your football knowledge and familiarity with my philosophies made you already recognize it and thus I won’t have to say anything about it. That being said, I’m picking the Ravens.

Pick: Ravens

Lions at Bears (-2.5)

You know what was pretty hard to watch? Jay Cutler making pure, crisp, beautiful, clutch throws against the Philly secondary on Monday Night and just thinking, “what if?”

Pick: Bears

Giants at 49ers (-3.5)

I, Adam Romanofsky, am finally officially a believer in Eli Manning and the Giants. If the 49ers win this game, I will be one of them too. So, I hope the Giants win, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if I label Eli Manning and a team with Alex Smith as legit in back-to-back weeks.

Pick: Giants (and to win)

Patriots at Jets (-1.5)

A lot of proving is at stake for the Jets. Last week, the Jets proved they were contenders. This week, they can prove they are the best in the division. Next week, they can prove that AFC West teams should not be playing on primetime (even if it is the NFL Network).

Pick: Jets

Vikings at Packers (-13.5)

Everyone is bashing the Packers defense but they are actually doing their job. They get off the field quickly and give the ball back to Aaron Rodgers so he can continue his ridiculous season. Of course, half the time their getting burned for touchdowns, but still, the ball is back in Rodgers’ hands quickly, is it not?

Pick: Vikings

Last Week:

Spread: 7-7

Non Spread: 7-7

Season:

Spread: 69-61

Non Spread: 85-44

Thursday: 0-1 (0-1)

NFL Handicapper Week 9

2011-11-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Falcons at Colts (+7.5)

For some reason I get a “Saints vs. Rams” vibe about this game. Also, I’m still holding onto Peyton Manning in my family fantasy league just in case he plays, and if he does, I’d have the duo of Brady and Manning in the fantasy playoffs, the two best quarterbacks of the past decade, on the same team. And I'll still lose.

Pick: Colts

Jets at Bills (-1.5)

This is a pretty big game in the AFC East, but I think it’s actually more important for the Bills than the Jets. The Jets have the talent and experience to come back from being 4-4, but I think if the Bills fall to third place, it could be a little shaky for them to sneak back into the race.

Pick: Jets (and to win)

Browns at Texans (-10.5)

Peyton Hillis has suffered the Madden curse. He’s still on the Browns.

Pick: Texans

Seahawks at Cowboys (-12.5)

I can’t bring myself to pick a team that looked so bad last week to win by 13 points, even if the other team is quarterbacked by Tavaris Jackson.

Pick: Seahawks

Dolphins at Chiefs (-6.5)

See Colts, take a lesson from the Dolphins. They are getting better, while still keeping their dream of SUCK FOR LUCK alive. They pretty much won two games in a row before giving them away to the Broncos and Giants… and the Chiefs are definitely able to accept games handed to them, right Philip Rivers?

Pick: Chiefs

Buccaneers at Saints (-7.5)

By losing to the winless Rams, the Saints have opened the door for the Falcons and Bucs to climb back into the division race. And if I were the Falcons, I would let the Bucs go through the door first. Just cause…well…this.

Pick: Saints

49ers at Redskins (+3.5)

3.5? Did the Redskins re-sign…
oh. I had a joke here where I would say oh did the Redskins re-sign (former star quarterback who no longer plays for them) and I didn’t know? But I can’t remember the Redskins ever having a star quarterback. Sooo… Wait I got it.

3.5? Did the Redskins re-sign Brad Johnson and nobody told me?

Pick: 49ers

Bengals at Titans (-2.5)

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop on the Bengals, and I think it could be this week. Of course, it’s probably because I still have memories of Albert Haynesworth being on the Titans.

Pick: Titans

Broncos at Raiders (-7.5)

Is there any team more in a catch-22 than Denver? No. There isn’t. Moving on…

Pick: Raiders

Packers at Chargers (+5.5)

The Packers’ offense reminds me of the great Rams teams of the early 2000’s. The Packers’ defense reminds me why those Rams only won one Super Bowl.

Pick: Chargers

Rams at Cardinals (-4.5)

Both Sam Bradford and Kevin Kolb should be extra motivated in this game to play for the right to be Andrew Luck’s backup next year.

Pick: Rams (and to win)

Giants at Patriots (-8.5)

The rematch of the only Super Bowl where everybody was rooting for the New York team to win.

Pick: Giants

Ravens at Steelers (-3.5)

The Ravens won big early in the season. It would be a huge statement if they can win this tilt on the road after playing two subpar games. If not, these two are destined to meet in the playoffs, just like every year.

Pick: Ravens

Bears at Eagles (-6.5)

Don’t look now, but the Eagles are starting to get their swagger back. Only to have it taken away painfully in January because they are still from Philly.

Pick: Eagles

Last Week:

Spread: 6-7
Straight Up: 8-5

Season:

Spread: 62-54
Straight Up: 78-37

NFL Handicapper Week 8

2011-10-29T01:31:00.000-07:00

It seems as though all the rave these days is to Tweet. I do it. You do it. We all do it. And how do you get more views on twitter? You use hashtags. Well, in that same vein, let's see if I can come up with some picks that the cyberworld can enjoy. #isoundlikeiam40

Colts at Titans (-9.5)

#thisspreadishuge #muchlikeChrisJohnsonscontract #stayaway #fromboth

Pick: Colts

Saints at Rams (+10.5)

#saintscanscore #ramscannot

Pick: Saints

Dolphins at Giants (-9.5)

#defeatfromjawsofvictory #allowTebowtobeahero #yetSparanostillhasjobsomehow

Pick: Dolphins

Vikings at Panthers (-3.5)

#thisPonderkidmightbegood #andsoisNewton #rookienonbustquarterbacks?

Pick: Panthers

Cardinals at Ravens (-12.5)

#iwantmondaynightback #shouldhavewatchedthecardinals #thebaseballones #nottheseguys #becausetheysucktoo

Pick: Ravens

Jaguars at Texans (-9.5)

#noloveforJags? #aftertwodefensivestatements? #andstillanalmostdoubledigitspread? #yeahmakessense

Pick: Texans

Redskins at Bills (-5.5)

#Billsprettygood #thiswholeplayingtheNFCEastthisyearthingisprobablygoodtoo

Pick: Bills

Lions at Broncos (+3.5)

#Staffordmaynotplay #thenagainhemight #youseeheisinjuredagain #becauseheisMattStafford #andohyeah #TEBOW!!! #tebowing

Pick: Lions

Bengals at Seahawks (+2.5)

#AndyDaltonhasredhair #CharlieWhitehursthashairlikeJesus #religiouspicks

Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Patriots at Steelers (+2.5)

#figurestobeahighscoringgame #sothespreadreallydoesntmatter #ofcoursenowsinceisaidthatthepatriotswillprobablywinby2onpurpose #becauseBelichickiskindofadicklikethat

Pick: Patriots

Cowboys at Eagles (-3.5)

#RomoCoaster #DreamTeam #NBCmustseecomedy

Pick: Eagles

Chargers at Chiefs (+3.5)

#yobrah #whatisitRivers? #isitDecemberyet? #nahitsstillOctober #ohcoolbrahwedonthavetogiveashityet

Pick: Chiefs (and to win)

Last Week:

Spread: 8-5

Non-Spread: 8-5

Overall:

Spread: 56-47

Non-Spread: 70-32

NFL Handicapper Week 7

2011-10-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

Falcons at Lions (-3.5)

Lost in the skirmish that was the coaches’ postgame handshake after the Lions’ last game was the fact that they did not look that good at all. And I know I was going against him last week in my family fantasy league, but how do you not throw to Calvin Johnson EVERY TIME down by the goal line? And this is coming from someone who’s single least favorite play in all of football is the goal line fade.

Pick: Falcons

Bears at Buccaneers (PK)

London does not want to see these two teams play, come on NFL. You know what would be more entertaining? If the Bucs actually used that ship they have to fire cannonballs while Devin Hester tried to maneuver his way across the field like Pac-Man without getting hit. Maybe make the cannonballs water balloons or something so he doesn’t actually get injured.

Pick: Bears

Seahawks at Browns (-3.5)

I believe Charlie Whitehurst is going to get the start for the Seahawks in place of injured Tavaris Jackson. This is good to hear, because now not only do we have the second coming of Jesus in one game at quarterback, but also a man who looks like Jesus in another.

Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Broncos at Dolphins (-2.5)

The Dolphins, who are winless, have lost 11 of their last 12 at home, and are starting a backup quarterback, are favored in this game. Normally I would say that this would be perfectly acceptable against my team, however, with all the Tebow returning to Florida hoopla, and the honoring the 2008 Florida Gators team, is there really any doubt that Tebow is going to lead the Broncos to a victory here? I just can’t see us losing this game. Sorry. Most confident I’ve been in a long time about the Broncos.

Pick: Broncos (and to win)

Chargers at Jets (+1.5)

I like Rex Ryan. I think he is a fascinating figure, a great defensive mind, and a surprisingly successful head coach thus far. But did anyone else realize how stupid his comment was on Norv Turner? Take away the part about that it could be true and think about it for a second. He said that he would have a couple rings if he was their coach because those (the Chargers teams of 2007, 08, and 09) were stacked. Well, that team of 09, that was stacked, lost to your team in the playoffs…so not only is it a shot at Norv Turner, in a way it’s a shot at the players on the Jets team of 2009, because they apparently weren’t as good as the stacked team in San Diego. And, as most of those players are still on your team, you have also obtained two of those key pieces from the stacked San Diego teams in LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Cromartie. What, then, do you say to them? “Hey man if the three of us were in San Diego right now we probably could have won a Super Bowl.” Which, again, could be taken as a shot to his current players. The whole thing just doesn’t make sense to me, as I’m sure this explanation did not make sense to you.

Pick: Jets (and to win)

Texans at Titans (-3.5)

Yo what is with these 1:00 games? This is the fourth straight game that is harder to pick without the line than with it. Also, even though I think Houston is eventually going to win this division, can anyone else believe that with a win, Tennessee will have a 2 game lead in the division and a route to a home playoff game? Strange times, indeed.

Pick: Texans

Redskins at Panthers (-2.5)

What the hell, man? Cam Newton’s not supposed to be favored. I’m supposed to bet on Cam to come within the spread, not cover it. I like new things in life, but when it comes to football picking I like trends. This pick worries me.

Pick: Panthers

Steelers at Cardinals (+3.5)

Three and a half? Really? (looks left) (looks right) (looks left again) Ok. I’ll bite.

Pick: Steelers

Chiefs at Raiders (-3.5)

So apparently Carson Palmer is not starting, which means we get the Chiefs versus Kyle Boller pay-per-view matchup that we have always wanted. Also, can we all just laugh at the Raiders again for making this trade? It’s been awhile, I want to make sure it isn’t in bad taste to do so yet. Ok good.

Pick: Chiefs

Rams at Cowboys (-12.5)

I saw a stat somewhere that the last however many Cowboys games have been decided by one score or less. I think the actual stat was more accurate with their exact numbers, but who really goes to this blog for numbers…let alone, at all?

Pick: Rams

Packers at Vikings (+8.5)

I was going to write an article about how I think that Green Bay has a legitimate shot to go 16-0 this season (although Adam Schefter pretty much beat me to the punch…so I decided to scrap it). In said ghost article, I talked about if they avoid let downs in a couple of select games, they have a real shot to do it. Note: This is not one of those games.

I really only saw 3 games where I think GB could struggle. The first was the game at San Diego, but the good news for them about this game is that it comes right after their bye week, so they have extra time to prepare (although so far this season, the bye week has not been kind to teams, which I think the football media is blaming on the new rules). The other big road game was the Giants game on December 4^th. I obviously think the Packers are way better than the Giants, but it isn’t really the best matchup, plus the hype of that game is going to be ridiculous. To me, the trap game on the Packers schedule is not the Turkey Bowl showdown that I was worried was going to be the best game of the season (which is routinely the game that goes on while my family is stuck in traffic trying to get to my aunt’s house, but usually doesn’t matter because either Brady or Manning is dropping 5 touchdowns on the Lions…this year it will be Rodgers… Hey everybody, let’s just put the best quarterback every year against the Lions at 12:30 and watch him carve up both the Lions’ D and Adam’s fantasy team like Uncle John is doing to the turkey, only except said QB is not hammered). The trap game is the game before that; at home to the Tampa Bay Bucs. Solid team, too young to realize that they shouldn’t have a chance, good at everything but not great at anything, enough of a pass rush to disrupt Rodgers, plus Green Bay may be thinking about Detroit 4 days later. Just a thought.

Anyway, I had a pretty solid article on it, but now it’s just stream of consciousness mumbo jumbo all over the place rambling. You can thank Adam Schefter.

Pick: Packers

Colts at Saints (-13.5)

The Colts are on ANOTHER primetime game? How long until flex scheduling?

Pick: Colts

Ravens at Jaguars (+7.5)

Ravens fans have to really like their chances this year. Everyone in the AFC seems beatable, you may actually get that home playoff game this year (and maybe even a …bye week??) the defense is the best it has been in awhile, and Ray Rice is having his best season in the pros. Plus, check out this for a schedule: at Jax, vs. Arizona, then the rematch at Pittsburgh, plus four games against the Bengals and Browns, a Seattle game, the Colts most likely w/o Manning and only a matchup against brother Jim’s Niners and San Diego that could be potential losses. Honest worst case scenario looks like 12-4, maybe 11-5.

Pick: Ravens

Last week:

Spread: 8-5

Straight Up: 11-2

Overall:

Spread: 48-42

Straight Up: 62-28

World Series Prediction

2011-10-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

"Oh wow Romo! It really was Cardinals in 6 AND Rangers in 6 just like you said it would be! You really are a genius! Boy, someone in need of a sports writer/broadcaster/analyst/blogger/reporter/coffee bitch should hire you!" says the collective reader.

Last year, I wrote a combination post on the NBA preview and the World Series. This year, I get to dedicate my entire post around this time to the latter, thanks to NBA disagreements.

Just like last year, here it is, in pictures.

Game 1:

Game 2:

Game 3:

Game 4:

Game 5:

Game 6:

Game 7:

Oh wow. Those were some..whew...those were some awesome pictures weren't they??
But seriously, when there's no football on, college or pro, or if there's no marquee hockey game, or if you're all caught up on Boardwalk Empire, The Walking Dead, and How To Make It In America... this should be a series worth watching.

NFL Handicapper Week 5

2011-10-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

Eagles at Bills (+2.5)

I am all for the Bills being good this year.

Also, if you want to be crowned a world champion, the easiest way to do so is to beat a Philadelphia sports team in the playoffs. Seriously. This formula has worked for now the Yankees, SF Giants, Packers, Penguins, Blackhawks, and Bruins. In the spirit of that, and the fact that the baseball playoffs are pretty wide open, and the fact that both the Brewers and Tigers have looked very beatable this postseason, I’m also going with Cardinals in 6, Rangers in 6, and then Cardinals in 7.

Pick: Bills (and to win)

Bengals at Jaguars (-2.5)

Andy Dalton versus Blaine Gabbert. From those names two years ago I would have guessed that this would be a first round tennis match for the right to play Rafael Nadal. Actually, come to think of it, those are two great tennis names. I’m not even sure why I’m sticking with this but it just sounds right to me.

Pick: Bengals (and to win)

Titans at Steelers (-7.5)

Chris Johnson has done almost nothing so far this year. He does not figure to do much again this week against the Steelers defense. Also, the Steelers offensive line problems are so bad that Ben Roethlisberger has more protection with coeds than he does in the pocket. Yeah, take that, Ben.

Pick: Titans

Raiders at Texans (-6.5)

Al Davis passed away yesterday. (moment of silence). I guess that means Hue Jackson’s job is just a little bit safer than it was the day before.

Pick: Raiders

Cardinals at Vikings (-2.5)

I like the Vikings to finally win.

Also, props to the Arizona Diamondbacks for having a great season, and showing some life in the series against the Brewers. I miss when my baseball team had little pressure on them to win, and am secretly jealous that while our seasons ended up with the same result, their fans can feel good about it, while I am stuck thinking that I just saw the last hurrah of the Phillies’ playoff runs.

Pick: Vikings

Saints at Panthers (+5.5)

I love picking the Panthers with points. Cam Newton might not be winning many games, but he is winning games against the spread, and that’s really all that matters, right?

Pick: Panthers

Seahawks at Giants (-9.5)

The NFC East is quite weak this year. The Giants have only really looked good in one game so far this year. Of course, that’s one more than the Seahawks have looked good in, but still.

Pick: Giants

Bucs at 49ers (-1.5)

These two teams are both 3-1. Are either of them for real? I actually think so, but the Niners have more of a chance to make the playoffs thanks to being in the NFC West. Also, on Monday night the Rays and Bucs both played at home…I’m not sure how the fans there were able to choose which game to not go to.

Pick: Bucs (and to win)

Jets at Patriots (-9.5)

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch most of the Jets/Ravens game last Sunday, but I did flip back during a commercial in the Phillies game. In that short amount of time, I saw Flacco throw an interception, and then on the next play I saw Sanchez throw a pick-6. So, yeah, I pretty much saw that game in a nutshell.

Pick: Jets

Chargers at Broncos (+4.5)

Sometimes being a sports fan is cruel. Like, in the span of 7 days, my teams (Broncos and Phillies, for those of you who don’t know) went a combined 1-4 with the lone win coming on pinch-hit Ben Francisco home run. But sometimes you just have to believe things will go your way even though you have no evidence for it whatsoever, thus the way I’m picking this game.

Pick: Broncos (and to win)

Packers at Falcons (+5.5)

The Falcons need this game, especially after what happened to them last year in the playoffs to Aaron Rodgers and the Packers. Also, a friend of mind posted a fine blog piece on Tom Brady versus Aaron Rodgers and their potential to break 50 passing touchdowns this year. I thought it was good, but I would add that I think Drew Brees has a better shot than either of them because (a.) he doesn’t have to face the Jets twice a year, (b.) he is only 2 behind Rodgers and 3 behind Brady, (c.) he plays all his home games in a dome whereas Brady and Rodgers will have to play December home games in the cold, and (d.) nobody throws more often than the Saints…in fact their running game consists of Mark Ingram up the middle, and screen passes to Darren Sproles.

Pick: Falcons

Bears at Lions (-5.5)

Hello Mr. Cutler, meet Mr. Suh.

Pick: Lions

Last Week:

Spread: 6-10

Straight Up: 10-6

Overall:

Spread: 33-31

Straight Up: 42-24

NFL Handicapper Week 4

2011-10-01T10:32:00.001-07:00

Bills at Bengals (+3.5)

Last week the Bills won against the mighty Patriots whom they haven’t beaten since the Red Sox’s shortcomings weren’t hilarious.

Pick: Bills

Panthers at Bears (-6.5)

Cam Newton won his first NFL game last week, but surprisingly didn’t have one of his best statistical games. Jay Cutler on the other hand knows all about winning despite poor stat lines.

Pick: Panthers (Bears win)

Titans at Browns (-1.5)

Holy crap, one of these teams is going to be 3-1? It seemed like only weeks ago these teams were either losing to the Bengals at home or losing to the Luke McCown-led Jaguars…oh wait, that was just weeks ago.

Pick: Browns

Lions at Cowboys (-3.5)

The Cowboys botched more snaps last week than a person without thumbs. That joke sounds offensive, but just imagine someone without thumbs trying to snap. Comedic genius if you ask me.

Pick: Cowboys

Vikings at Chiefs (+1.5)

This is an early showdown of teams that should just tank for Andrew Luck. So look for the Vikings to do the opposite of their last 3 games and fall behind early and then comeback to win.

Pick: Vikings

Redskins at Rams (PK)

To say the Rams haven’t looked quite as good as many have thought would be to say that some thought the Rams would look good this year. But the good news is that if they win this game, they only need to win about 3 more to wrap up the NFC West.

Pick: Redskins

Saints at Jaguars (+7.5)

So Blaine Gabbert took a safety in his first NFL possession, and then had to deal with monsoon-like conditions the rest of the game. So since a player’s first game in the NFL is what we should all expect from him going forward, expect a lot of safeties and bad weather.

Pick: Saints

49ers at Eagles (-6.5)

Oh dear, the dream team is 1-2. And also, the team I predicted to finish 5-11 is 2-1. Both of these teams better get it together.

Pick: Eagles

Steelers at Texans (-3.5)

These just don’t feel like the same Steelers that last year made it to the Super Bowl. These also don’t seem like the same Texans that, well, never make the playoffs.

Pick: Steelers (Texans win)

Sun 4:05 PM

Falcons at Seahawks (+4.5)

One of my cool upsets that I picked correctly last week was the Seahawks to win over the Cardinals. This week, I like the Falcons to beat the Seahawks. Come to me for all your bird-on-bird matchup questions.

Pick: Falcons

Giants at Cardinals (+1.5)

The Giants went into Philly and handled their business. Now they head into Arizona to take on the former Philly QB. And then later in the year they may or may not play the Vikings and beat up McNabb too for the trifecta.

Pick: Giants

Sun 4:15 PM

Broncos at Packers (-13.5)

Did you know that the Broncos have lost their two games by a total of 6 points? Did you know that that is really all I have to hang my hat on?

Pick: Broncos (Packers win)

Patriots at Raiders (+4.5)

Tom Brady threw as many interceptions in last week’s game as he did all last regular season. Meanwhile, Hue Jackson looks like he might be a fully capable head coach, so don’t expect to see him come back next season.

Pick: Patriots

Dolphins at Chargers (-8.5)

I still have Tony Sparano in the “who will get fired first” poll… although Norv Turner is still coaching the Chargers, so I guess there is no such thing as guarantees.

Pick: Dolphins (Chargers win)

Sun 8:15 PM

Jets at Ravens (-3.5)

Rex Ryan returns to his former place of employment. Derrick Mason returns to his former place of employment. Bart Scott returns to his former place of employment. Jim Leonard returns to his … ah screw it, you get the picture.

Pick: Jets (and to win)

Mon 8:30 PM

Colts at Buccaneers (-9.5)

Remember that Monday night game a few years back where the Colts were down a bagillion points to the Bucs and came back in the fourth quarter and won it on a field goal that Mike Vanderjagt hit off of the post and in? Yeah, that won’t happen this time.

Pick: Bucs

Last week

Spread: 11-5

Straight Up: 14-2

Season

Spread: 26-22

Straight Up: 32-16

Baseball Playoff Preview

2011-09-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

September 28, 2011. The last day of the regular season in baseball. The day that 30 teams play their 162 and final game of the season. It usually does not mean much except for maybe one or two teams, sometimes none at all. But this year, there was more. This year, on that day, it was the craziest end of the regular season I can remember.

Simply put, days like this past Wednesday are why I watch sports. Four games, where four teams needed the win to stay in the playoff hunt, force a tie-breaking game #163, or pack their bags and book tee times. Two teams looking to put the exclamation point on an incredible last-month comeback, and two teams looking to hold off epic collapses.

I don’t need to remind you what happened (especially to you, Boston and Atlanta fans). And I couldn’t, really. The outcomes speak for themselves. No collection of words can fully capture the madness that was two extra-inning affairs, one bottom-of-the-ninth rally, and the millions of sports fans flipping back and forth between all three games (would have been four…thanks Cardinals for not getting the memo and just straight up dominating…in fairness though, you were playing the Astros) to see who was in, and whose season had just ended.

It was September Madness. I can only hope that October will now be just as fun.

First round predictions:

RAYS vs RANGERS

I just can’t really see the Rays winning this series. Although I couldn’t see them getting in to the playoffs, so why not prove me wrong again? I think it’s very evenly matched as the Rays hitting is underrated, but you can’t ignore Texas’ .900+ collective OPS in the month of September (that’s like having a 1-9 team of Albert Pujols, courtesy of Jayson Stark). It could go 5, but what are the odds that the same series does that two years in a row…?

RANGERS in 4

TIGERS vs YANKEES

The Tigers have also been hot in September, particularly offensively. But Verlander has been hot all season, and should be a shoe-in for the Cy Young. The Yankees meanwhile clinched the hardest division in baseball and did so basically on the strength of their hitting. If this were the Twins, I wouldn’t even bother thinking twice about it, but something about the Tigers is telling me that we may be in for an early Bronx exit. Overall I still believe the Yankees lineup is still too good from top to bottom, and if they take game one against Verlander, I do not see a way the Tigers come back from that.

YANKEES in 5

DIAMONDBACKS vs BREWERS

The Diamondbacks are a great story. No one predicted them to win that division (not even me, despite them being my sleeper team). Their come-from-behind game on Tuesday (the day before all the ridiculousness) was something that you had to see to believe. But the Brewers, unlike most of the teams in the NL West, can hit. Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun are both MVP candidates and always have come up with clutch hits when their team needs it most. Throw in the fact that the cervaceros have three aces compared to the DBacks one, and you have a Cinderella that is about to see both hands on the 12.

BREWERS in 3

CARDINALS vs PHILLIES

The Cardinals remind me of the 2007 Rockies. For Phillies fans, that is not good news. The Cardinals are crazy hot right now, barely got in the playoffs, only have one good starter but for some reason, everyone has crazy numbers against Philadelphia. This team would no doubt in my mind also sweep the 2007 Phillies. But here’s the thing. The 2011 Phillies are not the 2007 Phillies. This year, if you didn’t know, the Phillies have not one ace, but four. The series will be hard fought, and it definitely will not be easy, and I can already prepare for the offense to score 3 runs or fewer in every game… But I just can’t objectively think that other than the game where Carpenter is pitching, can you really give the edge in a single game to the Cardinals? I don’t have too much confidence in this, but I’m going with:

PHILLIES in 5

NFL Handicapper Week 3

2011-09-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

Sunday 1:00 PM

Patriots at Bills (+8.5)

The Patriots have beaten the Bills 15 straight times. 15. Straight. Times.

Pick: Patriots

49ers at Bengals (-2.5)

Andy Dalton has been impressive so far this season, but the Bengals managed to lose a game to the Denver Broncos, which after week one I was unsure would ever happen this year. Meanwhile, bravo 49ers for allowing the most maligned quarterback from week one come back and beat you while playing with a punctured lung. Legends aren’t born unless someone allows them to be born.

Pick: 49ers (and to win)

Dolphins at Browns (-2.5)

The Miami Dolphins have another Monday Night game coming up soon, which will make it their second so far this season. With the Bills showing signs of actually being formidable this year, I ask the following question. Toss up: Number of Dolphins Monday Night games, or number of wins Tony Sporano leads the Dolphins to?

Pick: Browns

Lions at Vikings (+3.5)

The Lions just straight up dominated the Chiefs last week. The Lions have two “ehh, winnable” road games, then three straight home games, then a game in Denver and then the bye week. The Lions could quite possibly be 6-2 or even 7-1 going into Chicago in week 10.

Pick: Lions

Texans at Saints (-3.5)

Ah two fun-to-watch offenses in this game. Sit back, relax, and watch the fantasy points pile up.

Pick: Saints

Giants at Eagles (-7.5)

Neither of these teams has looked as good as their fans would have hoped so far, and Mike Vick got banged up in his last game against the Falcons. The Giants lost wide receiver Domenick Hixon last week, so I’m guessing all 3 Pro Bowl corners now cover Hakeem Nicks?

Pick: Giants (Eagles win)

Jaguars at Panthers (-3.5)

The Cam Newton love fest continued last week (read here), and now it is looking like the Blaine Gabbert era is ready to begin as well. In mildly depressing news, Gabbert is a full year and one day younger than me.

Pick: Panthers

Sunday 4:05 PM

Chiefs at Chargers (-14.5)

Well it is pretty obvious that the Chiefs are not having the same luck they had last year. If it makes them feel better, they are on pace to obtain better Luck..if you know what I mean… anybody? (and no, I don’t think they draft Luck if they do get the #1 pick)

Pick: Chargers

Jets at Raiders (+3.5)

Apparently the Raiders are pissed because last time, Mark Sanchez “got a goddamn snack” a little too early in the form of a hot dog. The man who is most pissed however is former Raider JaMarcus Russell, not because he felt it was disrespectful, but because he would have done that way more often when he was playing if he would have known it were possible.

Pick: Raiders (and to win)

Ravens at Rams (+3.5)

I miss being an intern at the Baltimore sports station. The turn of callers from such an ultra high one week to such a low the next would be such an energy rush for me if I still were there. Week 1 call: “just hand us the trophy now.” Week 2: “We are going 1-15, this team is atrocious.” <3

Pick: Ravens

Sunday 4:15 PM

Falcons at Bucs (-1.5)

This is a big game because in this competitive division, being up a game on one of the three possible playoff teams is so important. It’s like, Josh Freeman-poise big combined with Matt Ryan-potential big. So big.

Pick: Falcons (and to win)

Packers at Bears (+3.5)

After seeing the Bears offensive line woes in week two, I can’t believe the Bears were able to win in week one so effortlessly. It’s like Rich holding a lacrosse stick and still managing to be funny, really not sure how it worked, but it did.

Pick: Packers

Cardinals at Seahawks (+3.5)

Does anyone have any faith in any team to win the NFC West? No? Ok good, me neither.

Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Steelers at Colts (+10.5)

How is NBC even promoting/pumping this game up? This Sunday Night… The AFC Champion Steelers face a team that only has one less win than them…. BE THERE!

Pick: Steelers

Monday 8:30 PM

Redskins at Cowboys (-6.5)

Tony Romo, one week after committing the choke of all chokes, unleashes the comeback of all comebacks. This week, he does the unthinkable… hand Rex Grossman his first loss!

Pick: Redskins (Cowboys win)

4 Things I Learned This Weekend

2011-09-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

1.\ 1. The Redskins, Lions, Bills, and Titans are all better than I thought. This might seem pretty obvious, but still, I am a person who admits when he is wrong. The first three are each 2-0, and most people believed them each to finish last in their divisions. The Redskins have grinded out two tough games against the Giants and the Cardinals and came out on top in both contests. They will get their first of the season next week as the travel to face the newly-clutch Romo and the Cowboys.

The Lions are perhaps the most impressive of this bunch, blowing out the Chiefs and getting a big lead in week one before letting the Bucs get somewhat back in the game. But what impresses me about the Lions is how they are moving the ball with ease, and just as impressively getting defensive stops. The defense coming to life is a good sign if they want to compete with Packers in the NFC North.

I knew the Bills would be hit or miss on defense (and on Sunday they were quite the miss), but I never expected their offense to be able to bail them out. Ryan Fitzpatrick has been completely in sync with all of his receivers, especially tight end Scott Chandler. He took a game that the Bills of Christmas’ Past would not have even had a chance to stay within two touchdowns, and not only made it close, but got the victory. In every possession the Bills had in the second half on Sunday, they scored a touchdown.

Finally, I didn’t know what to expect from the Titans this year, but I knew the Jaguars would be garbage. And after the Jags found a way to win in week one against Tennessee, I wrote the Titans off. Now after their performance against the Ravens in week two, I may have been wrong again. I am still not saying that the Titans are anything more than an 8-8 team, but do not think that they are the team that you saw (or probably didn’t…and if you’re in the Jacksonville area and didn’t go to the game, I KNOW you didn’t #yourgamewasblackedout) on week one.

2. 2. The Baltimore Ravens had the letdown of all letdowns. The definition of a letdown is when you come across a trap game on your schedule and you not only don’t play as well as you are capable, but you simply lose.

Sidenote: the Romo definition of a trap game is quite complex, but there are a few keys to figuring out if your team has a trap game and should be worried about their performance. The first key in recognizing a trap game is schedule. Did your team just play a good team? And do they have a good team coming up in two weeks? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, there is a small chance the upcoming game is a trap game. Now, if the upcoming game is on the road, there is a greater (albeit slightly greater, but still greater) chance of a trap game. Next, did your team just win that big game against a good team? Oh boy, now the upcoming game is an even bigger possibility of a trap game. Finally, if this upcoming game is more important for the other team than it is for you, you are very much looking at a trap game.

With all that being said, NY Jets, you are currently on trap game alert! Your next game is against the Oakland Raiders, with the Pittsburgh Steelers lurking after them. Handle it better than the Ravens did to avoid a letdown.

3. 3. Cam Newton is the rookie of the year, barring injury. The man has played just two games in the National Football League. It should be entirely too early to give out the hardware yet. In fact, Newton threw three interceptions in his last game, and has still yet to win a professional football game.

So why is he the rookie of the year? Well for one, he has thrown for 854 yards already in just two games, which is on pace for an unheard of 6,832 yards. He had his Panthers well in the game against the defending champs before letting the game get away in the second half. Newton’s second game in the NFL proved that his first was no fluke.

Even if he regresses to the mean, and simply plays average in the next 14 games, he will still throw for over 4,000 yards. That is quite impressive in his rookie season. Also, there have yet to be too many standout performances from rookies other than Cam, especially at the skill positions. He could face competition from Andy Dalton, and perhaps later Blaine Gabbert, but Newton already has the edge on them (plus Dalton has to face the Steelers and Ravens a combined 4 more times) making the award almost certain his, barring injury.

4. 4. The Philadelphia Eagles are not THAT good. I’m not saying this because they lost the game. I’m saying this because so far this season, I’ve seen them give up a long touchdown run to Steven Jackson, a long run to Michael Turner, have the 30^th ranked run defense, and not only that, their pass defense has looked beatable. I still think they win the division, but they need to fix the run defense soon or else they will get beat by a team that can run the ball effectively in the playoffs.

NFL Handicapper Week 2

2011-09-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

HANDICAPPER!

Wow last week was hard to predict. It was also definitely not my best week in picking games, but hey, I cannot be expected to do well with this lockout. I looked as rusty as the Miami Dolphins secondary (zing!).

Sunday 1:00 PM

Raiders at Bills (-3.5)

Both teams won their opening game on the road, so props to them. The Bills got their first win before mid-November this year, and the Raiders broke their entirely too long streak of starting 0-1. I’m not sure what either team does for an encore…maybe kick 64-yd field goals?

Pick: Bills

Bears at Saints (-7.5)

The Saints took the defending champs to the very last play, but the Bears were even more impressive in completely dominating the NFC South champion Falcons. I’ve said the NFC South was the best division in the NFC, but they are 0-4 and the NFC North is 3-1 (4-0 against the spread).

Pick: Saints

Browns at Colts (+2.5)

Two teams that did not look good on week 1. One team lost at home to Andy Dalton and the Bengals, while the other just laid a duck against Houston. Peyton Manning for MVP!

Pick: Colts (and to win)

Chiefs at Lions (-8.5)

Last week, Kansas City was favored by more than a touchdown. This week, they are getting 8.5… against the LIONS. Matthew Stafford and Detroit did look impressive in their win over the Bucs.

Pick: Chiefs (Lions win)

Packers at Panthers (+10.5)

The most impressive individual performance in my mind from week one belonged to Cam Newton. I know Tom Brady is amazing, I know Sebastian Janikowski can kick really far, and I know that Brian Urlacher is a ball hungry animal. I did NOT know however that Cam Newton would be able to come right in and gel in the NFL. I understand it was just the Cardinals, but don’t lie, you had a hunch that Newton would end up in the Jamarcus Russell path.

Pick: Panthers (Packers win)

Ravens at Titans (+5.5)

Most impressive team performance? Baltimore Ravens, hands down. The way they manhandled their biggest rival in all three phases of the game was remarkable. Now they get the Titans, who last week must have forgotten they resigned Chris Johnson.

Pick: Ravens

Bucs at Vikings (-3.5)

Donovan McNabb did not have his best game on Sunday. He did, however, rush for only 7 less yards than he threw. Scrambling QB’s FTW.

Pick: Bucs

Jaguars at Jets (-10.5)

Both these teams are 1-0 thanks to the opposing QB’s that they both faced. Matt Hasselbeck threw a game clinching pick, and Tony Romo saw that and said “I can do you one better, Matt”.

Pick: Jets

Cardinals at Redskins (-4.5)

The Cardinals defense made Cam Newton look like he was still going against SEC defenses. After picking apart the Giants defense, Rex Grossman must be licking his chops.

Pick: Redskins

Seahawks at Steelers (-14.5)

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that this is one of the first times that a team that lost by 4 touchdowns the past week is now favored by more than two touchdowns.

Pick: Seahawks (Steelers win)

Sunday 4:05 PM

Cowboys at 49ers (-2.5)

Ted Ginn Jr. returned both a punt and a kickoff for a touchdown in the fourth quarter last week against the Seahawks. One might say the Seahawks special teams are the Tony Romo of special teams.

Pick: Cowboys (and to win)

Sunday 4:15 PM

Bengals at Broncos (-5.5)

The Broncos looked really bad on Monday; much worse than the 23-20 final score would indicate. Many are wondering when the Tim Tebow era is going to begin, and while the whole team looked awful, Kyle Orton was definitely part of it, and needs to play better if he still wants my vote of approval. Which of course is what all players strive for.

Pick: Bengals (and to win)

Texans at Dolphins (+2.5)

The Dolphins defense gave up 517 yards to Tom Brady last week, and now they get the team that put up 34 at the half. I’m beginning to think that the Texans are going to be better than I originally thought. Of course, since I haven’t gotten an AFC preview up to compliment MY AWESOME NFC PREVIEW, you don’t know how I felt about the Texans, do you? (evil laugh)

Pick: Texans

Chargers at Patriots (-6.5)

Tom Brady told Patriots fans to “start drinking early” because it’s a 4:00 game. Confession: I’ve always liked Tom Brady despite my dislike for the Patriots, and it is comments like these that reaffirm his bro status. Now he goes against the definition of “BRAH” quarterback in Philip Rivers. This game should be a total brofest, and when it’s done, we’ll all go to the bar, order Jagerbombs and hit on some 7’s.

Pick: Patriots (and to win)

Sunday 8:15 PM

Eagles at Falcons (+2.5)

Mike Vick versus his former team at his former place. This game is particularly important for the Falcons more so than the Eagles though because no team has ever won the Super Bowl after starting 0-2. And, I’m guessing that’s the goal. So yeah. Numbers.

Pick: Eagles

Monday 8:30 PM

Rams at Giants (-6.5)

Steven Jackson went down against the Eagles and Sam Bradford left but is expected to go on Monday. It will be interesting to see if the Rams can still win the 8 games needed to win the West without these two guys.

Pick: Giants

RECORDS!

Romo

Vs. spread: 6-10

Straight up: 7-9

Liam

Vs. Spread: 6-10 (He took the Cardinals -7 so he should be 5-10-1, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt with my -5.5 line)

Straight up: 7-9

So we both had a horrible start. Oh well. Let’s call it a mulligan. I have a feeling we will both do better this week.

(Check out Liam's blog here .. I imagine it sounds something like "waht the faack, broken baat, Scutarooo, gahddaammit")

NFL Handicapper Week 1

2011-09-08T18:11:00.000-07:00

HANDICAPPER!

The start of football season is about to begin, and now it is time to channel my third eye, and tell you the magic before it happens… or at least do better than Liam Cronin.

Thurs 8:30 PM

Saints at Packers (-4.5)

I love this first game on Thursday night thing with the Super Bowl champ versus a highly regarded team that the NFL has going on. However, I think the Saints are more eager to prove that last year was a fluke, and I think the champs start with a surprising 0-1 record.

Pick: Saints (and to win)

Sunday 1:00

Falcons at Bears (+2.5)

Not an easy first test for Jay Cutler, going up against Ray Edwards and John Abraham. Expect a lot of yelling and not a lot of smiles from everyone’s favorite diabetic QB… oh wait, that happens every game.

Pick: Falcons

Bills at Chiefs (-6.5)

I feel sorry for the Bills, because they are kind of like the Baltimore Orioles. They know that two teams are going to make the playoffs from their division most likely, but they know it’s still not going to be them.

Pick: Chiefs

Bengals at Browns (-4.5)

The AFC North is playing within the division on week 1, which means we get a supreme battle between two perennial defensive powerhouses… and this game.

Pick: Browns

Lions at Bucs (-3.5)

Josh Freeman versus Matthew Stafford… The potential both these QB’s have is enormous! The chances that I watch this game however are not.

Pick: Bucs

Titans at Jaguars (-3.5)

The Jaguars are favored by more than the standard 3 that a home team gets? Interesting. So that means Vegas is MORE confident in the team that just let go their starting QB a week before the season starts. Interesting. Titans, the oddsmakers clearly think you suck.

Pick: Titans (and to win)

Colts at Texans (-2.5)

Arian Foster loves playing against the Colts, and now since Peyton Manning is out, he won’t be the only person.

Pick: Texans

Eagles at Rams (+5.5)

Vince Young called the Eagles the Dream Team, which makes sense. If I were to have a dream team, I’d want Vince Young to not start for it also.

Pick: Eagles

Steelers at Ravens (-2.5)

Ray Lewis said that if they didn’t get a deal done, the crime rate would go up in the world. Thankfully they did, now everyone can watch this game in peace and hold hands and hug afterwards.

Pick: Steelers (and to win)

Sunday 4:15 PM

Vikings at Chargers (-8.5)

The last time the Vikings and Chargers played, Adrian Peterson set the single game rushing record, Antonio Cromartie returned a 109-yard FG attempt and probably procreated afterward, and both Brad Childress and Norv Turner made questionable coaching decisions. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for round two.

Pick: Vikings (Chargers win)

Giants at Redskins (+3.5)

Sexy Rexy was named the starter! I never really understood why this nickname worked so well, until Rex Ryan came along, and now, yeah, sure, let’s make the other guy named Rex Sexy Rexy.

Pick: Giants

Panthers at Cardinals (-5.5)

This should be an interesting game. On one hand you have a QB who is in a completely new environment, not use to this style of offense, and unsure if he should trust the man in charge…and then you have Kevin Kolb.

Pick: Cardinals

Seahawks at 49ers (-5.5)

Pete Carroll versus Jim Harbaugh. The settings change, the rivalry doesn’t.

Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Sunday 8:15 PM

Cowboys at Jets (-4.5)

If you like fat guys who make outlandish statements… well you must since you’re reading my blog…. But if you REALLY like them, then this is the game for you. This will be Plaxico Burress’ first game back also, and it comes against a team that he knows well. Well, I mean, as much as he can having been in jail for the past few years.

Pick: Jets

Monday 7:00 PM

Patriots at Dolphins (+5.5)

The Patriots now have both Vince Wilfork AND Albert Haynesworth, causing many to think they might shift from a 3-4 to a 4-3. Bill Belichick was very mum on that question, to the surprise of no one. Also, Chad Ochocinco makes his debut on his new team, and he has been tweeting that his new home is like heaven. Which is ironic, because Belichick reminds me of the devil.

Pick: Patriots

Monday 10:15 PM

Raiders at Broncos (PK)

I would have to suffer through the entire lockout only to then deal with the fact that my team is the very last team to play in Week 1. And also, the reason this game was a big deal and selected for MNF was because it was thought to be Tebow’s big debut as a number 1 QB. Well, so much for that.

Pick: Broncos

NFC Preview

2011-09-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

NFC PREVIEW

EAST

1. Philadelphia Eagles.

Offense: Quarterback Michael Vick will try to duplicate his impressive 2010 season, and with playmakers like WR DeSean Jackson and RB LeSean McCoy at his side, he may be poised for an even better year.

Defense: Additions Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Nnamdi Asomugha give Philly an incredible secondary which was weak last year. Now they need their linebacking core to step up and a lot of that falls on rookie Casey Matthews.

Player to watch: Brent Celek. A disappointing 2010 for Celek, but maybe all he needed was time to adjust to Vick vs. McNabb and could be poised for a productive 2011.

Prediction: 11-5

2. New York Giants.

Offense: Solid O-Line, the return of Domenik Hixon, and the emergence of Hakeem Nicks should make things easier for both Eli Manning and Ahmad Bradshaw.

Defense: Off the field issues may have made the headlines with Osi Umenyiora, but there is no doubt that he and Justin Tuck will get to opposing QBs during the season with ease. The question is, are they already behind the eight ball with the amount of injuries they’ve had in preseason.

Player to watch: Eli Manning. There’s always pressure to play in NY, but especially when you’re the QB. If his wideouts stay healthy, there are no excuses to not win their first playoff game since 18-1.

Prediction: 10-6

3. Dallas Cowboys

Offense: Tony Romo is back and ready to prove that he is an elite QB. I expect big things out of year two of the Dez Bryant project. Offensive line has two rookies in it, but the offense should be solid in Big D.

Defense: Oh boy, another Ryan in a big time football franchise. Pass rush should thrive with their new leader, as they already have the best sack man in the league in DeMarcus Ware.

Player to Watch: Dez Bryant. Has to redevelop his rapport with Romo in order to fit among elite WR’s.

Prediction: 8-8

4. Washington Redskins

Offense: The offense will be led by Rex Grossman (at least initially). Sexy Rexy will have Tim Hightower and Ryan Torain in the backfield and Santana Moss and Jabar Gaffney as his wideouts. (Sidenote, when did Washington become the place for former Broncos?)

Defense: The defense was ranked 31^st last year, as should be no surprise to anyone who watched their Monday night game against the Eagles. That should most likely improve this year.

Player to Watch: Tim Hightower. Grossman has never been a QB to air it out 50 times a game, so that should mean plenty of carries for Hightower.

Prediction: 6-10

North

1. Green Bay Packers

Offense: This is the safe bet to pick them first even though they actually finished second in the division last year. Aaron Rodgers gets two new/old weapons back in Ryan Grant and Jermichael Finley who were lost to injury last year. Perhaps the only weakness is the pass protection; Rodgers doesn’t need a whole lot of time, but their season could change dramatically if he were to obtain an injury.

Defense: Big men up front, led by B.J Raji, make the job of linebackers led by Clay Matthews and AJ Hawk easier, which in turn set up easier plays for the playmakers, Tramon Williams and Charles Woodson, to make.

Player to Watch: Jermichael Finley. Dude was a beast two seasons ago and should provide Rodgers with another weapon especially in the red zone.

Prediction: 12-4

2. Minnesota Vikings

Offense: Adrian Peterson is one of if not the best running backs in the league, and Donovan McNabb is itching to prove that he still has it. The problem is, he doesn’t, really.

Defense: The front seven is nasty, led by defensive tackle Kevin Williams and defensive end/weirdo Jared Allen. The secondary will need to play well too, because All Day doesn’t mean too much if they have to play catch-up every game.

Player to Watch: Donovan McNabb. It seems like every year, wherever he goes, there is pressure on him. This year is no exception, because the Vikings have players in skill positions that can do work in the playoffs, they just need #5 to take them there.

Prediction: 7-9

3. Detroit Lions

Offense: Matthew Stafford is everyone’s pick to have a breakout season. His job will be a little easier with Calvin Johnson to throw to, and Jahvid Best seems to be primed for breakout year too. They play in a division of good to great defenses however, so this firepower alone may not be enough.

Defense: How can you not like Ndamukong Suh? He, along with veterans Kyle Vanden Bosch and Stephen Tulloch should give them a solid front seven, even if their secondary has major holes.

Player to Watch: Matthew Stafford. If he can stay healthy, the Lions’ offense should be a force to be reckoned with, plus he doesn’t have to face the world champs until late November.

Prediction: 7-9

4. Chicago Bears

Offense: Giving credit where credit is due, Jay Cutler had a much better season last year than two years ago. However, while Roy Williams is a solid addition, I don’t have much faith in their o-line, thus resulting in Cutler getting sacked plenty of times and making poor decisions plenty of times as well.

Defense: This group has always been amazing when healthy, but the issue is they almost never are. Since they had a rare healthy year last year, I’m playing the odds and saying they don’t have the same luck this year. If they do though, watch out, Julius Peppers, Lance Briggs and Brian Urlacher are still some of the best in the game.

Player to Watch: Jay Cutler. He broke up with that hot famous chick from the Hills (I think), so … maybe that’s… the spark he needs?

Prediction: 5-11

South

1. New Orleans Saints

Offense: Drew Brees had his career high in interceptions last year, and when good players come off of a year that they do that they usually have a chip on their shoulder…. Or send underwhelming picture messages of their male parts. Either way, expect an exciting season for the Saints!

Defense: Led by Will Smith and Jonathan Vilma, the front seven is solid as usual, and a veteran secondary should prevent more points than the offense produces. They just have to… um… tackle.

Player to Watch: Drew Brees. Itching to prove last year was a down year, look for him to have a year more like ’08 or ’09.

Prediction: 12-4

2. Atlanta Falcons

Offense: The NFC South never has the same division winner twice, but Atlanta has the talent to repeat as division champs, especially adding rookie Julio Jones alongside other playmaker Roddy White for targets for QB Matt Ryan.

Defense: Ray Edwards (from the Vikings) and John Abraham combined for 21 sacks last year. While the secondary and linebackers may have some questions, the guys up front should make their job easier by forcing opposing QBs to make poor decisions.

Player to Watch: Julio Jones. Atlanta made a gamble in going after the WR out of Alabama, but he is a playmaker and he may just be worth giving up the later picks.

Prediction: 10-6

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Offense: Believe the Josh Freeman hype! Also, LaGarrette Blount should get a bulk of the carries, Mike Williams leads an otherwise no-name group of wideouts and they have a tackle whose last name is Trueblood. The Tampa Bay Bucs!

Defense: What a solid young line, led by Gerald McCoy. If DaQuan Bowers’ injury turns out to not be an issue, what a steal. And one of the best unknown corners in the league is Aqib Talib, who also rounds out what has to be the team with some of the best names in football. So there’s that.

Player to Watch: Josh Freeman. Simply put the guy makes plays. And it’s not like he’s throwing the ball to Harrison and Wayne, he has Mike Williams, Kellen Winslow, and that’s basically it. Their starting other wideout is either Sammie Stroughter or Arrelious Benn.

Prediction: 7-9

4. Carolina Panthers

Offense: Cam Newton won the Heismann and now gets the honor of leading the Panthers’ offense. DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart are still somehow both on the team, so there’s a little weight off Cam’s back.

Defense: The defense was actually a respectable 18^th last year, despite Jon Beason being the only player I’ve heard of. I guess I should watch the Panthers play more. Or not.

Player to Watch: Cam Newton. Simply because, everyone wants to see how #1 picks perform with the big boys.

Prediction: 5-11

West

1. St. Louis Rams

Offense: There’s no question that Sam Bradford is going to be a star in this league, the question is whether he will be THIS year. While he probably won’t be yet, he should continue to develop and take his team to the postseason this year in a weak division.

Defense: I like their veteran additions in Justin Bannan and Ben Leber, but can the secondary rise to the occasion?

Player to Watch: Steven Jackson. The workhorse back still seems to find a way to put up big-time numbers, but will this be the year that he finally shows signs of fatigue?

Prediction: 9-7

2. Arizona Cardinals

Offense: Kevin Kolb has the daunting task now of “throwing the ball in the general vicinity of Larry Fitzgerald”. What’s funny is that Matt Leinart somehow made that look hard.

Defense: They have big names, but finished 29^th last year, and will be looking to improve on that. Rookie Patrick Peterson is eager to prove that he is the next great shutdown corner in the game.

Player to Watch: Kevin Kolb. Take the helm, Kolb. You are now the quarterback of a professional football team. And no, you don’t need to look over your shoulder because there is no Andy Reid to play with your head and bench you.

Prediction: 8-8

3. Seattle Seahawks

Offense: Marshawn Lynch has to prove the playoff game against the Saints wasn’t a fluke, and Tavaris Jackson, well, has to prove that he isn’t just a punchline.

Defense: I look at this defense and think, okay, I guess it isn’t that bad, but then I remember that they have to hold teams to less than what a team led by Tavaris Jackson scores.

Player to Watch: Sidney Rice. Okay, seriously, what does this guy have to do to escape Tavaris Jackson? (See what I did…three segments, three Tavaris Jackson jokes. #hiremesportspickle)

Prediction: 6-10

4. San Francsico 49ers

Offense: Jim Harbaugh could indeed turn this team around, but he needs more than one year if he is going to do it with Alex Smith. The Inconvenient Truth is as solid as RB’s come and I am interested to see how Michael Crabtree and Braylon Edwards work as a team of wideouts.

Defense: The best in the division, although that doesn’t a. say much or b. mean much. Patrick Willis is a beast.

Player to Watch: Vernon Davis. Once written as a bust, this guy has proven to be anything but. Was the team’s leading receiver last year, and figures to be a good candidate this year too.

Prediction: 5-11

Newborn

2011-09-04T23:38:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone is having a great Labor Day. I do not mean to blow your mind while you are celebrating your day off from a job that you have and that I don’t, BUT… the best blog in the world* has now been REVAMPED!

Yes, what was once “F My Blog” is now “The Romote Control”. You may be asking, how will this be any different from your old blog, Adam? Well, other than the super cool new black background…it really won’t be. BUT all the content will actually now be worth reading, as opposed to the 25:75 ratio that we had on the old site.

Also, the posts will primarily focus on sports now (occasionally some other crap might get mixed in, but if so, just smile at it and hopefully it will go away). So, I’m sorry if you were hoping for a post of the top 10 things I hate about Jersey Shore, or ranking my favorite adult actresses, but unfortunately I will not be lowering myself to such writing standards. Unless this fails, and I do just that.

So get excited people, I literally have nothing else to do but write some killer blog posts. Not even being weighed down by dysfunctional pizza parlor any more. Just me, you, and whatever controlled substance you have to be on to still be reading this far.

Cheers

*we meant this one…no seriously, this one.

Romo Reports Vol. 1

2011-07-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

I like to read THEONION and Sportspickle from time to time. And since it doesn't appear that I am going to be writing for them or any other publication any time soon, I thought, screw it, I'm just going to write on the one place that will always welcome my journalistic talents, F MY BLOG. Of course, that's probably only because I created this site. Otherwise, I would never allow such sh*tty content.

But hey, nonetheless, here is some 100% true articles for you to pass the time, in a segment I'm calling "Romo Reports". Hope you enjoy. PS, National League > American League.

Delaware man notches sh*t number 3000

In an impressive feat, John Washington from Dover, Delaware, took his 3000th sh*t at approximately 3 p.m. this past Saturday. Washington, 37, received a standing ovation from the family party he was at as he completed his business.

In typical Washington fashion, his 3000th was the big kind: a two-flush, Indian-food induced diarrhea.

“That’s just like John, man,” Barry Thomas, Washington’s best friend, said. “He’s been doing this for so long and so often, that you almost assume he’s going to make his big moments count.”

Washington would make the whole rest of the day count, too. He finished the night off with 5 sh*ts on the day, with his final one clogging the downstairs toilet for good.

“I woke up and was feeling good,” Washington said. “I thought there was a very good chance that today could be the day.”

Washington got career sh*t number 2999 on Saturday morning shortly after his wake-up coffee and then joined the 3000 club after his next trip to the bathroom. After the night was done, he would have 3004 to his illustrious career. Washington, at age 37, is fourth youngest on the all-time list to reach 3000 sh*ts.

Report: Every Song on radio now features Akon, Lil Wayne, or T-Pain

According to multiple sources, every song currently in rotation on terrestrial radio features at least some contribution from hip-hop artists Akon, Lil Wayne, or T-Pain. Songs that do not feature a verse from any of those rappers, will reportedly be supplemented with one before they are to be back on the air.

Some new singles to check out this week include:

Coldplay – Every Teardrop is a Waterfall in This Club – feat Usher, T-Pain, and Eminem

Adele – Rolling in the Deep on a Boat – feat Akon

Lady Gaga – The 6 Foot, 7 Foot Edge of Glory – feat Lil Wayne

Mumford & Sons – Buy U A White Blank Drank – feat T-Pain

Fleet Foxes – A Milli N 1 Helplessness F*ckin Blues – feat Lil Wayne

See Ya In Another Life, Loyola

2011-06-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

I have now obtained a piece of paper that says that I have graduated from Loyola University Maryland. This piece of paper is supposed to be my key to my future, or something like that. It is supposed to open doors for me that I would not have been able to open otherwise. This may be the case, but I could honestly not give a Moe’s queso right now.

Honestly, if all that were true, and described everything completely, I probably could have received that same piece of paper (more or less) in less time, online, so I wouldn’t have to even leave my house bed (for those of you who don’t know me, I am, what you would call, lazy) and still have the same opportunities (or lack thereof #yayjournalism) ahead of me.

Thankfully, there is so much more to the past four years than that large piece of paper in the other room that I almost dropped in between the 57^th and 58^th picture of me that my parents took. If you took all the memories and people that I have met in the past four years and placed their significance into some sheet of paper, it would be even larger than my degree. It would be a really big sheet of paper.

For starters, I am going to miss the little things. And when I say little things, I mean:

The first time I walked into my freshman year room, having ESPN on in the room from waking up to sleeping, spending most of my time in 209 Butler, the genuine and legitimate FIFA ’06 lounge, Stoko’s/Domino’s cheesy bread nights in 212, Hopkins frat parties, that one time we went to Hooters and watched college football all day, swinging on trees on the walk back from Craigsfest, getting to Reefers at 9pm and ordering more pitchers than needed, walking downstairs to my desk shifts, 15 all you can at the Den, Nelly, the movie game, the variation of the movie game with NFL players, ButProjection Productions, our super cool super bowl party in the common room, knowing you will run into someone awkwardly as you turn the corner around Hammerman, the night we started drinking after our Rocky final, WOMP WOMP FISH, making up various games and playing them in the common room, the (first) Cone…and that’s just freshman year.

People enter and college and come out. For the most part they remain exactly the same. Memories, however, you won’t get to see them outside of school again. Yeah, there’s pictures, yearbooks, and, hell, me and you laughing and recalling them hopefully over a cold drink and hopefully real soon. But the exact moment in all its glory… won’t happen again. Sucks, but that’s just the way it is.

This past year was probably my favorite in the four I had at Loyola. I owe that to a lot of people. Thanks. You know who you are (and who else they are).

Bye, yo.