Saturday, December 17, 2011

NFL Week 15 Handicapper

Jaguars at Falcons (-11.5)
This already happened, but I wanted to show people that I finally got another Thursday game correct, giving me a grand total of 2 with the spread (Packers/Lions)
Pick: Falcons

Cowboys at Bucs (+6.5)
It is rare that there are teams that I trust the Cowboys to beat by more than a touchdown.  So at least feel good about that, Tampa.
Pick: Cowboys

Dolphins at Bills (PK)
This is tough because it’s a pick-em spread, which means that you have to straight up pick a winner.  And that’s pretty tough to do considering the Bills have been in freefall mode ever since they gave Ryan Fitzpatrick an 11-year, $100 billion contract* and the Dolphins just fired their coach 5 weeks since the last time they played poorly.  So I don’t exactly think of either of these teams as winners.  Maybe I’ll predict a tie.

*figures estimated
Pick: Dolphins

Seahawks at Bears (-4.5)
I think this line moved down to 3.5 which makes sense, considering one team is on the rise and the other is giving up hail mary passes to Tyler Palko and voluntarily giving Tim Tebow time on the clock. Did I convince you yet?
Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Bengals at Rams (+6.5)
What do you think the chances are that Josh McDaniels hires a stand-in to run the Rams offense this weekend so he can fly to Denver in disguise to watch his beloved Tim Tebow face his dear Tom Brady?  
Pick: Bengals

Packers at Chiefs (+13.5)
If you told me one of these two teams had their star receiver injured this past weekend, I would have bet the house that it was Kansas City, considering Matt Cassell, Jamaal Charles, and Eric Berry have missed a combined 32 games.  In other news, don’t you think the Packers secretly love the fact that Denver is getting all the attention?  They might go 19-0 and only remembered for being the first team to beat Tebow in a close game in their 24-21 victory in Super Bowl XLVI.
Pick: Packers

Titans at Colts (+6.5)
Just throw the ball, Jake! Just throw it! Don’t take a sack!
Also, if the Colts were to somehow win in either this game or against the Texans and then inevitably destroy Jacksonville in Week 17, it would be possible for them to get the #2 or #3 pick, which would be just their….LUCK. #horriblepuns
Pick: Titans

Saints at Vikings (-7.5)
Two years ago, this was the NFC Championship.  Just saying.
Pick: Saints

Redskins at Giants (-7.5)
I want the Giants to win the NFC East pretty badly, mostly so we can get a Giants/Falcons first round game and a favorable line so I can bet the house against the Falcons, and I can’t do that if Tony Romo is quarterbacking the NFC East champions.  So let’s go G-MEN!
Pick: Giants

Panthers at Texans (-6.5)
The Texans are currently the #1 seed in the AFC, but if they win out, the Patriots win out, and the Ravens win out, they end up with the #3 seed.  What a pretty crappy deal that is!  The Texans are the Boise State of the AFC.
Pick: Panthers

Lions at Raiders (+1.5)
This has Raiders rebound game written all over it, although I must say, those past two games against the Dolphins and Packers were probably the worst games I’ve seen the Raiders play since … well, the Jamarcus Russell days… but yeah, they were bad.
Pick: Raiders (and to win)

Browns at Cardinals (-6.5)
So who’s pumped for week 17 to see the play-in game between Arizona and Seattle for the 6 seed in the NFC? I’m not kidding.
Pick: Cardinals

Patriots at Broncos (+6.5)
I hate everything about this game.  I hate the matchup.  I hate that we’re 6-1 against Tom Brady.  I hate that this line is absurdly unfair to the Broncos.  I hate that we used to matchup decently against the Patriots but now matchup better against a Steelers or Texans team.  I hate that the Patriots can stop the run but not the pass.  Most of all, I hate being in the Philadelphia area so I don’t get this game because NBC decided not to flex Tim Tebow versus Tom Brady, but keep Joe Flacco versus Philip Rivers.  Here’s to hoping for another heart attack.
Pick: Broncos

Jets at Eagles (-2.5)
So when the Jets and Ravens meet in the Divisional round, are we going to get a better game than we saw in week 4? Please say yes.  Also, I feel sorry for the 50 yard line this weekend when Andy Reid and Rex Ryan meet to shake hands after the game.
Pick: Jets (and to win)

Ravens at Chargers (+2.5)
I’m picking against San Diego in December.  Remind me I did this when they win the division, please. Thanks.
Pick: Ravens

Steelers at 49ers (-1.5)
Best line on Twitter I saw during last week’s Steelers/Browns Thursday game: “Ben Roethlisberger will just not be denied, even when limp.”
Pick: Steelers (and to win)

Last week:

Spread: 9-7
Non-Spread: 10-6

Overall:

Spread: 107-101
Non-Spread: 133-73



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