Friday, December 23, 2011

NFL Week 16 Handicapper

Week 16 PICKS
Home teams is CAPS:

BILLS over Broncos (-3.5)

Cardinals over BENGALS (-4.5) (and to win)

Browns over RAVENS (-13.5)

TITANS over Jaguars (+7.5)

Raiders over CHIEFS (-0.5) (and to win)

Rams over STEELERS (-15.5) (thank you, pre-Big Ben status line)

PATRIOTS over Dolphins (+10.5)

REDSKINS over Vikings (+6.5)

JETS over Giants (+2.5)

PANTHERS over Bucs (+7.5)

Chargers over LIONS (-2.5) (and to win)

Eagles over COWBOYS (-2.5) (and to win)

SEAHAWKS over 49ers (-2.5) (and to win)

PACKERS over Bears (+12.5)

Falcons over SAINTS (-6.5)


LAST WEEK:

Spread: 9-7
Non-Spread: 7-9

SEASON:

Spread: 116-108
Non-Spread: 140-82





Saturday, December 17, 2011

NFL Week 15 Handicapper

Jaguars at Falcons (-11.5)
This already happened, but I wanted to show people that I finally got another Thursday game correct, giving me a grand total of 2 with the spread (Packers/Lions)
Pick: Falcons

Cowboys at Bucs (+6.5)
It is rare that there are teams that I trust the Cowboys to beat by more than a touchdown.  So at least feel good about that, Tampa.
Pick: Cowboys

Dolphins at Bills (PK)
This is tough because it’s a pick-em spread, which means that you have to straight up pick a winner.  And that’s pretty tough to do considering the Bills have been in freefall mode ever since they gave Ryan Fitzpatrick an 11-year, $100 billion contract* and the Dolphins just fired their coach 5 weeks since the last time they played poorly.  So I don’t exactly think of either of these teams as winners.  Maybe I’ll predict a tie.

*figures estimated
Pick: Dolphins

Seahawks at Bears (-4.5)
I think this line moved down to 3.5 which makes sense, considering one team is on the rise and the other is giving up hail mary passes to Tyler Palko and voluntarily giving Tim Tebow time on the clock. Did I convince you yet?
Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Bengals at Rams (+6.5)
What do you think the chances are that Josh McDaniels hires a stand-in to run the Rams offense this weekend so he can fly to Denver in disguise to watch his beloved Tim Tebow face his dear Tom Brady?  
Pick: Bengals

Packers at Chiefs (+13.5)
If you told me one of these two teams had their star receiver injured this past weekend, I would have bet the house that it was Kansas City, considering Matt Cassell, Jamaal Charles, and Eric Berry have missed a combined 32 games.  In other news, don’t you think the Packers secretly love the fact that Denver is getting all the attention?  They might go 19-0 and only remembered for being the first team to beat Tebow in a close game in their 24-21 victory in Super Bowl XLVI.
Pick: Packers

Titans at Colts (+6.5)
Just throw the ball, Jake! Just throw it! Don’t take a sack!
Also, if the Colts were to somehow win in either this game or against the Texans and then inevitably destroy Jacksonville in Week 17, it would be possible for them to get the #2 or #3 pick, which would be just their….LUCK. #horriblepuns
Pick: Titans

Saints at Vikings (-7.5)
Two years ago, this was the NFC Championship.  Just saying.
Pick: Saints

Redskins at Giants (-7.5)
I want the Giants to win the NFC East pretty badly, mostly so we can get a Giants/Falcons first round game and a favorable line so I can bet the house against the Falcons, and I can’t do that if Tony Romo is quarterbacking the NFC East champions.  So let’s go G-MEN!
Pick: Giants

Panthers at Texans (-6.5)
The Texans are currently the #1 seed in the AFC, but if they win out, the Patriots win out, and the Ravens win out, they end up with the #3 seed.  What a pretty crappy deal that is!  The Texans are the Boise State of the AFC.
Pick: Panthers

Lions at Raiders (+1.5)
This has Raiders rebound game written all over it, although I must say, those past two games against the Dolphins and Packers were probably the worst games I’ve seen the Raiders play since … well, the Jamarcus Russell days… but yeah, they were bad.
Pick: Raiders (and to win)

Browns at Cardinals (-6.5)
So who’s pumped for week 17 to see the play-in game between Arizona and Seattle for the 6 seed in the NFC? I’m not kidding.
Pick: Cardinals

Patriots at Broncos (+6.5)
I hate everything about this game.  I hate the matchup.  I hate that we’re 6-1 against Tom Brady.  I hate that this line is absurdly unfair to the Broncos.  I hate that we used to matchup decently against the Patriots but now matchup better against a Steelers or Texans team.  I hate that the Patriots can stop the run but not the pass.  Most of all, I hate being in the Philadelphia area so I don’t get this game because NBC decided not to flex Tim Tebow versus Tom Brady, but keep Joe Flacco versus Philip Rivers.  Here’s to hoping for another heart attack.
Pick: Broncos

Jets at Eagles (-2.5)
So when the Jets and Ravens meet in the Divisional round, are we going to get a better game than we saw in week 4? Please say yes.  Also, I feel sorry for the 50 yard line this weekend when Andy Reid and Rex Ryan meet to shake hands after the game.
Pick: Jets (and to win)

Ravens at Chargers (+2.5)
I’m picking against San Diego in December.  Remind me I did this when they win the division, please. Thanks.
Pick: Ravens

Steelers at 49ers (-1.5)
Best line on Twitter I saw during last week’s Steelers/Browns Thursday game: “Ben Roethlisberger will just not be denied, even when limp.”
Pick: Steelers (and to win)

Last week:

Spread: 9-7
Non-Spread: 10-6

Overall:

Spread: 107-101
Non-Spread: 133-73



Saturday, December 10, 2011

NFL Week 14 Handicapper (and Power Poll!)

ROMO POWER POLL:
I got into a slight debate this past week with a few of my friends as to who the top teams in the league are right now.  Granted, I am not really a fan of power rankings that much, but nonetheless they are always a good discussion, and everyone has their own opinion. 

The thing that I was arguing foremost before it got into a power ranking discussion, was that, as a whole, the NFL is having a down year production-wise.  This point would be way easier to see for other people if it were not for the season Green Bay is having (grrrr…how dare you play football at a high level…).  I think there were a few things that were either lost on what I was saying, or just need added emphasis.  First off, even though I think this (and so should you, it is quite obvious), it is not necessarily a bad thing.  The entire AFC and the rest of the NFC (for what it’s worth) are completely wide open.  There is a case for all four 9-3 teams in the AFC (let’s say that Pitt is still 9-3) as to who is the best team.   Also, the slew of 7-5 teams in both conferences makes for some very intriguing games to say the least, even if it isn’t the best football you’ll see in your lifetime.

Anyway, the main thing is this: Both the AFC and the NFC are having down years. 

This is the best way I can explain it: Let’s look at the AFC first.  The Ravens, Patriots, and Steelers are all 9-3…But haven’t we seen them all play better football in years past?  Last year, the Patriots went 14-2 and Brady threw 4 interceptions all year.  They had the best offense in the league and an above-average defense that did not allow many points.  This year’s team is not nearly as good.  Steelers?  Last year had the best defense as far as points allowed and Roethlisberger had just 5 interceptions. The 2008 team that won the Super Bowl had a way better defense and more efficient offense.  Essentially they looked better in 2008 and 2010 than they do this year as well.  And the Ravens?  While the Ravens have improved defensively from their past 2 years, the offense is pretty much exactly the same where it has been the past two, with the exception of Ray Rice’s productivity increase.  Plus, while they in my opinion are the best team in the AFC so far this year, their unpredictability has caused concern heading into the playoffs.  Looking at other teams, the Jets, although they will probably finish the regular season with at least a 9-7 record and possibly a 10-6 one, which would give them their best regular season finish under Rex Ryan, they too have looked better in years past.  The Texans have significantly improved on defense, and have a great running game, but there are causes of concern since they are without their first two quarterbacks and have Andre Johnson on and off again with reoccurring injuries. 

In the NFC, there is a similar story.  Ignore the Packers for a second again.  The two other best teams in the conference are the 10-2 49ers and the 9-3 Saints.  The 49ers are a great story and Jim Harbaugh is likely the coach of the year.  But do the 49ers really scare anybody?  There is no denying that they have a great defense, but offensively they could not do a single thing against Baltimore on Thanksgiving.  Shutting out the Rams is cool, but you are not facing the Rams in the playoffs.  The Saints and Packers can score.  Speaking of the Saints, they just look completely lost at times on defense.  The Packers rank lower defensively, but there at least seems to be some sort of sense that everyone is on the same page, and they know they can afford to gamble.  The Saints defense at least once a week has two safeties looking at each other in confusion.  All I know is that if the second best team the NFC has to offer is the 2011 version of the 49ers or the Saints, the 2009 Vikings are probably in complete disbelief.

And while the Packers are having a tremendous season, has their offense really improved more than their defense has fallen?  Would the 2010 Packers beat the 2011 Packers?  Plus, what if they do not win it all?  Even if they do finish 16-0, it would then be seen as a down year for them too, would it not?    

So now, without further ado, here is, with 4 games left to go, the 2011 ROMO POWER POLL.

1.       Packers – duh.
2.       Ravens – Most complete team in the AFC, beaten the Steelers twice, have the formula to win in the playoffs.  Also, winning against quality teams should count more than losing against bad teams.
3.       Steelers – Big Ben isn’t having his best year, but he’s still having a good one.  Beat New England, lost to Houston and Baltimore.
4.       Saints – Slightly better than San Francisco, need to win a game away from the dome. 
5.       Patriots – Very solid offensively, questionable at times on defense.  Beat Oakland on the road, and NYJ twice, have an easy schedule rest of the way minus a trip to Denver.
6.       49ers – Very solid defensively but have not beaten anyone good.  Alex Smith is having his best year, but I’ll let you know when I trust him.
7.       Texans – Would be higher most likely without their injuries.  Very solid on both sides of the ball.  TJ Yates has to be a good game manager for them to do anything in the postseason
(Note: 2-7 are incredibly bunched together.  Could be considered 2a.-2f.)

And here comes the mess of 7-5 teams that are incredibly tough to separate.  None of them are any good, but because #’s 2-7 are all beatable, we still must pay attention to them.

8.       Lions – I really wanted to pick someone else to go here, but due to their offensive capability, they get here by default.  Built to destroy bad teams, and play mediocre against good teams.
9.       Broncos – Clearly jinxing my own team, but again, who else should go here?  Improved defensively (though not as much as everybody thinks), wins against other 7-5 teams (Jets, Bengals) are another reason they are up here.
10.   Jets – Literally, every time I look to come up with who to put next, I go to type it am just like “Really? (team x) is the (eighth, ninth, and now tenth) best team in the NFL?” Very good defensively, starting to trust their run game again, and Sanchez is back to fooling us into thinking he’s decent again.
11.   Bengals – Some people have them way higher, others have them lower…but they would currently have the sixth AFC seed right now.  I actually think the Titans are a better team, but they did win at Nashville.
12.   Titans – Sneaky team that could grab the last spot.  Chris Johnson is looking like he deserves half the money he got in his contract again.
13.   Falcons – I’m sorry, but I must have missed the meeting where we decided that the Falcons were head and shoulders above every other 7-5 team.  Matt Ryan just looks lost at times, especially against good defenses.  They won at Detroit, and home against Tennessee, but lost against Tampa and Chicago, plus at home against a Saints team that tried to give them that game…until they decided they would rather re-gift the game back to New Orleans.
14.   Cowboys – God the NFC East is so bad this year.  Romo has games where he looks like everything is going for him, and then he has others where he gets fooled by some of the easiest coverages.  (Hint, don’t throw to Revis, ESPECIALLY if he has over the top help)
15.   Raiders – The defensive woes are starting to mount.  Beat the Jets and the Texans in that Win for Al Davis game, but lost to the Chiefs, Bills, and the Dolphins.
16.   Giants – Another Jekyll and Hyde team, but at least looked good last week despite losing.  If they can play consistently like that, they’ll make the playoffs, but the thing is, they can’t.
17.   Bears – Would be higher if they still had Matt Forte and to a lesser degree Jay Cutler.  And as my friend Adam Vida would say, if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.
(Note: to save you and me time, I’ll just list the rest of my teams)
18.   Seahawks
19.   Cardinals
20.   Chargers
21.   Dolphins
22.   Bills
23.   Eagles
24.   Panthers
25.   Chiefs
26.   Redskins
27.   Bucs
28.   Browns
29.   Jaguars
30.   Vikings
31.   Rams
32.   Colts

That was completely vomit-endusing.  I don’t know how anyone can say the NFC or AFC is not having down years.  Just ask yourself, does my team honestly look better this year than it does last year.  Chances are you are saying no. (I admittedly am saying yes, but …c’mon.)

Let’s get to some picks.

                                            
Falcons at Panthers (+2.5)
Despite the Falcons’ offense looking completely inept the last couple weeks, they now get to play the Panthers which seems to be the cure to most teams’ offensive woes.  Also, I’ve now read articles in the past week about how Aaron Rodgers is not the MVP (Brady is) and Cam Newton is not the Rookie of the Year (Andy Dalton is).  Honestly, people, why make your job harder than it needs to be.  This is the easiest year in the last five to pick both those awards. (Hint: it’s not Brady or Dalton)
Pick: Falcons

Texans at Bengals (-3.5)
This is a bad matchup for the Texans, but could be what the T.J. Yates doubters need to realize that the Texans will be alright without Matt Schaub.  The Bengals are probably the best out of the AFC’s 7-5 teams, but that does not really say much.
Pick: Bengals

Vikings at Lions (-7.5)
The Lions are built to feast on bad teams, and if Tim Tebow can torch your secondary, Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson should be resting in the fourth quarter.
Pick: Lions

Saints at Titans (+3.5)
This past week or so I have spent defending two teams in particular: the Texans and the Saints.  However, I feel like both of them go down this week due to bad matchups.  Also, it hardly seems fair that Chris Johnson is good again right before the fantasy playoffs.
Pick: Titans (and to win)

Colts at Ravens (-16.5)
You know, it IS time for the Ravens customary “one step back” part of their “three steps forward then one step back” routine that they are doing this season… Just saying.
Pick: Colts
Chiefs at Jets (-8.5)
Oh man the Chiefs have become a terrible team.  Meanwhile, the Jets need this game to keep pace with the 7-5’s of the world.  Plus the week 17 game against the Dolphins is probably going to be a competitive game instead of the usual “We will now rest our starters and allow the Jets to make the playoffs” end-of-the-year game.
Pick: Jets

Eagles at Dolphins (-3.5)
The Dolphins have clearly turned it around since their 0-7 start.  In other news, would the rest of the NFC East please stop sucking so I don’t have to hear every local reporter keep saying “you know (laughs) as bad as it’s been (looks to the other reporters) the Eagles are actually still in this!”
Pick: Eagles (and to win)

Patriots at Redskins (+8.5)
Patriots win big.  Bonus prediction: Every time the Pats get into the red zone this week, Belichick will have Brady will throw to Aaron Hernandez this week instead of Rob Gronkowski, solely to piss off the fantasy owners that have rode Gronk’s coattails all year long.
Pick: Patriots

Buccaneers at Jaguars (+1.5)
In depth Bucs-Jags analysis! Click here!
Pick: Buccaneers

Bears at Broncos (-3.5)
Last week’s Broncos game will hopefully show people two things.  First, people have wanted to deflect praise from Tebow for so long, and have done so by giving it to our defense.  They have done so for so long now, that our defense is now more overrated than our quarterback.  In fact, while they have played infinitely better than I’ve seen them play the past 4 years, it still is a very beatable defense, especially if you can avoid the pass rush.  The second thing is that Tebow can get better as a passer, he just needs the reps.  That’s why, god forbid, if we ever get a game where we are leading by a comfortable margin, I want to see nothing but passes instead of the usual runs to kill the clock.  Also, this is the first time that the Broncos were even good enough to warrant a trap game in forever.
Pick: Bears

49ers at Cardinals (+3.5)
Answer me this: Of all the teams 7-5 or better, how many have improved in BOTH offense and defense from last year? (Hint: one, the 49ers).
Pick: 49ers

Bills at Chargers (-6.5)
If you want an outside chance at making a lot of money, put a small amount of money on the Chargers winning the Super Bowl.  I’ll believe they don’t win the AFC West when I see it.
Pick: Chargers

Raiders at Packers (-11.5)
This is another somewhat favorable matchup for the team facing the Packers.  But before you go making any bold predictions, just think: What do I trust more late in the game, Aaron Rodgers with the season he’s on, or Carson Palmer against an opportunistic defense?
Pick: Packers

Giants at Cowboys (-3.5)
The Giants played their best game of the season and still lost.  The Cowboys could have basically wrapped up the division despite the two Giants games still left to go, but iced their own kicker.  The NFC East!
Pick: Giants (and to win)

Rams at Seahawks (-6.5)
I’m going to throw out a confession:  I would watch the Seahawks play the Dolphins right now and probably be thoroughly entertained.
Pick: Seahawks




Last Week:

Spread: 11-5
Non Spread: 12-4

Season:

Spread: 98-94 (back over .500 bitches!)
Non-Spread: 123-68


Sunday, December 4, 2011

NFL Handicapper Week 13

No witty descriptions today unfortunately, since my computer crashed last night and didn't save...thankfully that never happened at school.

Anyway, here are the picks, home teams CAPS:

Falcons (-2.5) over TEXANS
Titans (+1.5) over BILLS - and to win
Chiefs (+8.5) over BEARS
Bengals (+7.5) over STEELERS
Broncos (+1.5) over VIKINGS - and to win
PATRIOTS (-20.5) over Colts
Raiders (+2.5) over DOLPHINS
Jets (-3.5) over REDSKINS
Panthers (+1.5) over BUCS - and to win
Ravens (-6.5) over BROWNS
CARDINALS (+6.5) over Cowboys
GIANTS (+6.5) over Packers
Rams (+13.5) over 49ERS
SAINTS (-6.5) over Lions
Chargers (-2.5) over JAGUARS



Saturday, November 26, 2011

NFL Handicapper Week 12

 
Vikings at Falcons (-9.5)
This game brings up memories of the 1998 NFC Championship Game when Gary Anderson missed a field goal and Chris Chandler led a game-tying drive for the Falcons, who went on to win in overtime 30-27.  The Vikings had gone 15-1 that season and had not lost at home all season, and scored 556 points in the regular season.  Vikings then-coach Dennis Green later admitted that the Vikings were who he thought they were: playoff chokers.
Pick: Falcons

Bills at Jets (-8.5)
These teams combined last week to lose games to teams quarterbacked by Matt Moore and Tim Tebow.
Pick: Jets

Browns at Bengals (-7.5)
Remember that game 4 years ago when the Browns and Bengals exploded for a 51-45 game, where Derek Anderson and Carson Palmer combined for 11 touchdown passes?  This game won’t be nearly as exciting.
Pick: Bengals

Bucs at Titans (-3.5)
Tampa has been a pretty big disappointment thus far, but you know what would be a bigger disappointment? If the Titans allow a Matt Leinart-led team to win the AFC South.
Pick: Titans

Panthers at Colts (+3.5)
If not now, Indy, when?
Pick: Panthers

Cardinals at Rams (-3.5)
I don’t care who starts for Arizona, the St. Louis Rams are not good enough to be 3.5 point favorites, ever.
Pick: Cardinals (and to win)

Texans at Jaguars (+3.5)
Oh man, how much does the Matt Schaub injury suck for the AFC?  (Well I mean, for neutral AFC fans.  Obviously it’s pretty good for the other 5 playoff teams…)  Now that the Texans are going to be one and done in the playoffs at best, who votes we move the Patriots to the AFC North, kick the Browns out, and make them just play each other the rest of the year and select the conference champ BCS-style?
Pick: Texans

Bears at Raiders (-4.5)
Caleb Hanie is now starting for the Bears.  He is now entrusted with the difficult task of doing three things: 1. Hand the ball off to Forte, 2. Throw a few screen passes to Forte, 3. Get ready to go on the field, and then sit back down again once a game because Devin Hester returned a kick for a touchdown.
Pick: Bears (and to win)

Redskins at Seahawks (-4.5)
The Seahawks are actually set up to go 7-9 again, which has to be disappointing since that won’t win them a division title this year.
Pick: Seahawks

Broncos at Chargers (-6.5)
True story:  The NFL fined Von Miller $25,000 for his hit on Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez last Thursday.  His response: Which one of my four hits on him are we talking about?
Pick: Chargers

Patriots at Eagles (+4.5)
If the Eagles pull this one out, I will break out the old VY Titans jersey and say nothing except “All Vince Young does is win football games!” for an entire day.
Pick: Patriots

Steelers at Chiefs (+10.5)
So this game did not get flexed out of Sunday Night because at the time, the Chiefs were “tied for first in their division”.  Exactly why it should have been flexed out…they are still in the AFC West.
Pick: Steelers

Giants at Saints (-6.5)
Sometimes I think the two New York teams compete with each other for things they really shouldn’t.  “Today, we will lose against a team that we can probably beat.”  “Oh yeah, well WE will lose against a team we can probably beat but do so in heartbreak fashion.”  Then the next week… “You call that heartbreak fashion?  THIS is heartbreak fashion! And, we did it on Prime Time!”  … “Oh yeah, well WE can lose in heartbreak fashion on a bigger Prime Time channel to our division rival who isn’t any good anymore!”  Your move, Jets.
Pick: Saints

Last Week:
Spread: 3-11 (yes... 3-11)
Non-Spread: 9-5

Season:

Spread: 79-81
Non-Spread: 101-59



Saturday, November 19, 2011

NFL Handicapper Week 11

Here is where I predict the upcoming weekend's games, both with and without the spread.  But let's be honest.  This week's big game already happened on Thursday, when Tim Tebow showed the world that he is Christ Almighty.  

As a Broncos fan, I of course cannot get enough. But I am smart about it.  I won't even watch the first 3 quarters anymore.  There's no need.  From now on, I will watch the replay of a LeBron James game for the first three quarters and then switch over to the Broncos during the start of the fourth.  That way everyone looks amazing.

So in the spirit of Tebow, here are this week's picks.

Bills at Dolphins (-2.5)
Ah, Miami, where Tebowmania first began.  Or at least this year.  The Bills and Dolphins seem to be  headed in opposite directions, with the Dolphins winning two straight and the Bills losing two straight.  If they lose this one, I don’t even think Tebow could save them or their season.
Pick: Dolphins

Bengals at Ravens (-7.5)
Baltimore – the city I was living in when the Broncos drafted Tim Tebow.  I remember it because I walked out of the room frustrated and mumbling stuff…which is how I imagine Ravens’ fans must have felt after last week’s game.
Pick: Ravens

Jaguars at Browns (PK)
A few years back, Jacksonville fans (yes, they exist) wore custom-made Tim Tebow, Jacksonville jerseys in the final weeks of their dismal season, showing their support for management to sign local hero, Tim.  This week they shall be rewarded for their effort.
Pick: Jaguars

Cowboys at Redskins (+7.5)
Tony Romo has played exceptional in the beginning of NFL games this season, but quite lackluster in the final minutes.  This is simply not the method our chosen one has showed us to go about doing things.  Perhaps Romo is the anti-Tebow.   Or the devil, even.  But the devil has power, too.  Although he probably wouldn’t need it to defeat the Redskins.
Pick: Cowboys

Panthers at Lions (-7.5)
Caaaaam Newton is back where he belongs: as a heavy underdog against an overrated team so I can pick the points.  Also, he was often compared in college to Tebow!
Pick: Panthers

Bucs at Packers (-14.5)
Awhile back, I said the two games that I could see the Packers losing this year were the Bears game in Week 16, and this tilt this week.  It does not appear as though the latter is likely to happen, but then again it also didn’t appear likely that Tebow would lead the Broncos to victory last week, let alone survive 40 days in the desert.
Pick: Packers

Raiders at Vikings (+1.5)
If the Raiders lose, the Tebows will be tied for first place.  Also, early in the week, the Vikings were favored to win by 1.5, which is a little strange.  Did the oddsmakers not realize that Oakland had 10 days to prepare for Minnesota?  Or, in other terms, 4 more days than their starting quarterback had to prepare before playing in his professional first game this year.
Pick: Raiders

Seahawks at Rams (-2.5)
The Seahawks used to play in the AFC West, but that was a long time ago.  I believe they moved to the NFC in 2002, or Year 9 BT (before Tebow).
Pick: Rams

Cardinals at 49ers (-9.5)
Last week, everyone in the NFC West won.  This week, the four teams play each other, so that will clearly not be the case this week.  But you know what division CAN still have all four teams win? The division Tim Tebow is in, the AFC West.  (Nah, just kidding, all of those teams are terrible.)
Pick: Cardinals

Titans at Falcons (-6.5)
Mike Smith gambled last week (as I wrote here).  The gamble showed that he had absolutely no faith in his defense to stop Drew Brees.  You know who does have faith?  George Michael.   

 ...


You know who else does? This man.
















Ok and so does Tim Tebow.
Pick: Falcons

Chargers at Bears (-3.5)
Ah, Philip Rivers vs. Jay Cutler.  These two QB’s know each other well, as Cutler used to lead the Denver Broncos’ offense.  Neither of these fellows are really that likable, as Rivers was once seen on the sideline taunting Cutler on Christmas Eve 2007 (not to mention he seems like a prick).  Meanwhile, Cutler always appears mopey and never looks like he’s having fun, and frequently yells at receivers when they don’t catch his passes, that are usually overthrown, fired into the ground, or unnecessarily fast just to show off his arm.  Clearly neither of these two quarterbacks are anything like Tim Tebow.  Although give credit where it is due, Philip Rivers used to be able to throw the ball but in a clear effort to become more like our chosen one, he has unlearned that technique.
Pick: Bears

Eagles at Giants (-6.5)
Mike Vick will not play this week, so it looks as if Vince Young will get the start.  I used to say back a few years back when Young was a starter “All Vince Young does is win football games”, half because it was true, and half because it was fun to say.  While it would be fun to start it up again with the alteration “All Tim Tebow does is win football games” that is simply untrue.  Tebow also originates missions in third world countries.  So that won’t work.  Thus, the new catchphrase I have come up with is: “All Vince Young does is make stupid comments and thus doom his team’s season before it even starts.”
Pick: Giants

Chiefs at Patriots (-14.5)
Tyler Palko on Monday Night ladies and gents.  We are all about to witness a legend in the making.  Much like we witnessed on Thursday.  God Bless.
Pick: Chiefs (and to win) 

Last week:
Spread: 7-9
Non-Spread: 7-9

Season:
Spread: 76-70
Non-Spread: 92-54

Friday, November 11, 2011

NFL Handicapper Week 10


Saints at Falcons (PK)
Julio Jones had three catches last week for 131 yards and two touchdowns, and of course, I was going against him in one of my fantasy leagues.  We haven’t seen this much efficiency in Atlanta work against me since the Braves choked away the wildcard to the Cardinals.
Pick: Saints

Bills at Cowboys (-5.5)
Some astute football writer wrote a beautiful piece on the Bills’ loss at home to the Jets.  If they can win this game, that loss won’t mean quite as much, but I think it may have been the beginning of the end of their fairy-tale season.
Pick: Bills

Steelers at Bengals (+3.5)
The Bengals finally get to play the hard part of their schedule. So far, Andy Dalton and the Bengals have a remarkable 6-2 record and haven’t even broken a sweat.  Assuming that, gingers can sweat.
Pick: Steelers

Rams at Browns (-2.5)
We’ll know a lot about the Rams after this game, because if they can lose to the Browns, then they REALLY are going all in for SUCKFORLUCK.
Pick: Browns

Broncos at Chiefs (-3.5)
The Chiefs won four in a row before they lost at home 31-3 to the previously winless Miami Dolphins.  The Broncos, meanwhile, seeing that the Chiefs couldn’t stop the team that made the wildcat famous, will now try their QB option attack on them. 
Pick: Chiefs

Titans at Panthers (-2.5)
I can’t for the life of me figure out the Titans this year, so I’ll focus on the Panthers.  Cam Newton has impressed me in every one of his games, yet somehow only has two wins.  I’m just going to continue the trends.  Cam plays great, but Titans inexplicably have one of their amazing games, and then look bad for the next two weeks.
Pick:  Titans (and to win)

Jaguars at Colts (+2.5)
Colts fans are rumored to now be wearing Luck jerseys to games.  But here’s a fun fact: The Colts actually have the higher rated QB in this game.  Colts get the win, and the SUCKFORLUCK campaign becomes a race again.
Pick: Colts (and to win)

Redskins at Dolphins (-3.5)
There are a ridiculous amount of 3.5 or 2.5 spreads this week.  It’s like Vegas got lazy or something.  Unlike this blog.  I never mail it in….
Pick: Dolphins

Cardinals at Eagles (-13.5)
Wouldn’t it be awkward if Kevin Kolb plays and then plays better than Vick??
Pick: Cardinals

Texans at Bucs (+3.5)
Did you know that the Texans would  be the two seed right now in the AFC?  But do you really think the Steelers, Jets, Patriots, or Ravens are shaking in their boots thinking “Boy I really hope we don’t have to go TO Houston in the playoffs!”
Pick: Texans

Ravens at Seahawks (+7.5)
This is such an obvious trap game for Baltimore that I will assume your football knowledge and familiarity with my philosophies made you already recognize it and thus I won’t have to say anything about it.  That being said, I’m picking the Ravens.
Pick: Ravens

Lions at Bears (-2.5)
You know what was pretty hard to watch? Jay Cutler making pure, crisp, beautiful, clutch throws against the Philly secondary on Monday Night and just thinking, “what if?”
Pick: Bears

Giants at 49ers (-3.5)
I, Adam Romanofsky, am finally officially a believer in Eli Manning and the Giants.  If the 49ers win this game, I will be one of them too.  So, I hope the Giants win, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if I label Eli Manning and a team with Alex Smith as legit in back-to-back weeks.
Pick: Giants (and to win)

Patriots at Jets (-1.5)
A lot of proving is at stake for the Jets.  Last week, the Jets proved they were contenders.  This week, they can prove they are the best in the division.  Next week, they can prove that AFC West teams should not be playing on primetime (even if it is the NFL Network).
Pick: Jets

Vikings at Packers (-13.5)
Everyone is bashing the Packers defense but they are actually doing their job.  They get off the field quickly and give the ball back to Aaron Rodgers so he can continue his ridiculous season.  Of course, half the time their getting burned for touchdowns, but still, the ball is back in Rodgers’ hands quickly, is it not?
Pick: Vikings

Last Week:
Spread: 7-7
Non Spread: 7-7

Season:
Spread: 69-61
Non Spread: 85-44

Thursday: 0-1 (0-1)