Romo Reports Vol. 1

I like to read THEONION and Sportspickle from time to time. And since it doesn't appear that I am going to be writing for them or any other publication any time soon, I thought, screw it, I'm just going to write on the one place that will always welcome my journalistic talents, F MY BLOG. Of course, that's probably only because I created this site. Otherwise, I would never allow such sh*tty content.

But hey, nonetheless, here is some 100% true articles for you to pass the time, in a segment I'm calling "Romo Reports". Hope you enjoy. PS, National League > American League.






Delaware man notches sh*t number 3000

In an impressive feat, John Washington from Dover, Delaware, took his 3000th sh*t at approximately 3 p.m. this past Saturday. Washington, 37, received a standing ovation from the family party he was at as he completed his business.

In typical Washington fashion, his 3000th was the big kind: a two-flush, Indian-food induced diarrhea.

“That’s just like John, man,” Barry Thomas, Washington’s best friend, said. “He’s been doing this for so long and so often, that you almost assume he’s going to make his big moments count.”

Washington would make the whole rest of the day count, too. He finished the night off with 5 sh*ts on the day, with his final one clogging the downstairs toilet for good.

“I woke up and was feeling good,” Washington said. “I thought there was a very good chance that today could be the day.”

Washington got career sh*t number 2999 on Saturday morning shortly after his wake-up coffee and then joined the 3000 club after his next trip to the bathroom. After the night was done, he would have 3004 to his illustrious career. Washington, at age 37, is fourth youngest on the all-time list to reach 3000 sh*ts.



Report: Every Song on radio now features Akon, Lil Wayne, or T-Pain

According to multiple sources, every song currently in rotation on terrestrial radio features at least some contribution from hip-hop artists Akon, Lil Wayne, or T-Pain. Songs that do not feature a verse from any of those rappers, will reportedly be supplemented with one before they are to be back on the air.

Some new singles to check out this week include:

Coldplay – Every Teardrop is a Waterfall in This Club – feat Usher, T-Pain, and Eminem

Adele – Rolling in the Deep on a Boat – feat Akon

Lady Gaga – The 6 Foot, 7 Foot Edge of Glory – feat Lil Wayne

Mumford & Sons – Buy U A White Blank Drank – feat T-Pain

Fleet Foxes – A Milli N 1 Helplessness F*ckin Blues – feat Lil Wayne