NFL Handicapper Week 1

HANDICAPPER!

The start of football season is about to begin, and now it is time to channel my third eye, and tell you the magic before it happens… or at least do better than Liam Cronin.

Thurs 8:30 PM

Saints at Packers (-4.5)

I love this first game on Thursday night thing with the Super Bowl champ versus a highly regarded team that the NFL has going on.  However, I think the Saints are more eager to prove that last year was a fluke, and I think the champs start with a surprising 0-1 record.

Pick: Saints (and to win)

Sunday 1:00

Falcons at Bears (+2.5)

Not an easy first test for Jay Cutler, going up against Ray Edwards and John Abraham.  Expect a lot of yelling and not a lot of smiles from everyone’s favorite diabetic QB… oh wait, that happens every game.

Pick: Falcons

Bills at Chiefs (-6.5)

I feel sorry for the Bills, because they are kind of like the Baltimore Orioles.  They know that two teams are going to make the playoffs from their division most likely, but they know it’s still not going to be them. 

Pick: Chiefs

Bengals at Browns (-4.5)

The AFC North is playing within the division on week 1, which means we get a supreme battle between two perennial defensive powerhouses… and this game.

Pick: Browns

Lions at Bucs (-3.5)

Josh Freeman versus Matthew Stafford… The potential both these QB’s have is enormous! The chances that I watch this game however are not.

Pick: Bucs

Titans at Jaguars (-3.5)

The Jaguars are favored by more than the standard 3 that a home team gets? Interesting. So that means Vegas is MORE confident in the team that just let go their starting QB a week before the season starts.  Interesting.  Titans, the oddsmakers clearly think you suck.

Pick: Titans (and to win)

Colts at Texans (-2.5)

Arian Foster loves playing against the Colts, and now since Peyton Manning is out, he won’t be the only person. 

Pick: Texans

Eagles at Rams (+5.5)

Vince Young called the Eagles the Dream Team, which makes sense.  If I were to have a dream team, I’d want Vince Young to not start for it also.

Pick: Eagles

Steelers at Ravens (-2.5)

Ray Lewis said that if they didn’t get a deal done, the crime rate would go up in the world.  Thankfully they did, now everyone can watch this game in peace and hold hands and hug afterwards.

Pick: Steelers (and to win)

Sunday 4:15 PM

Vikings at Chargers (-8.5)

The last time the Vikings and Chargers played, Adrian Peterson set the single game rushing record, Antonio Cromartie returned a 109-yard FG attempt and probably procreated afterward, and both Brad Childress and Norv Turner made questionable coaching decisions. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for round two.

Pick: Vikings (Chargers win)

Giants at Redskins (+3.5)

Sexy Rexy was named the starter! I never really understood why this nickname worked so well, until Rex Ryan came along, and now, yeah, sure, let’s make the other guy named Rex Sexy Rexy.

Pick: Giants

Panthers at Cardinals (-5.5)

This should be an interesting game. On one hand you have a QB who is in a completely new environment, not use to this style of offense, and unsure if he should trust the man in charge…and then you have Kevin Kolb.

Pick: Cardinals

Seahawks at 49ers (-5.5)

Pete Carroll versus Jim Harbaugh.  The settings change, the rivalry doesn’t. 

Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Sunday 8:15 PM

Cowboys at Jets (-4.5)

If you like fat guys who make outlandish statements… well you must since you’re reading my blog…. But if you REALLY like them, then this is the game for you.  This will be Plaxico Burress’ first game back also, and it comes against a team that he knows well.  Well, I mean, as much as he can having been in jail for the past few years.

Pick: Jets

Monday 7:00 PM

Patriots at Dolphins (+5.5)

The Patriots now have both Vince Wilfork AND Albert Haynesworth, causing many to think they might shift from a 3-4 to a 4-3.  Bill Belichick was very mum on that question, to the surprise of no one.  Also, Chad Ochocinco makes his debut on his new team, and he has been tweeting that his new home is like heaven.  Which is ironic, because Belichick reminds me of the devil.

Pick: Patriots

Monday 10:15 PM

Raiders at Broncos (PK)

I would have to suffer through the entire lockout only to then deal with the fact that my team is the very last team to play in Week 1.  And also, the reason this game was a big deal and selected for MNF was because it was thought to be Tebow’s big debut as a number 1 QB.  Well, so much for that.

Pick: Broncos