NFL Handicapper Week 3

Sunday 1:00 PM

Patriots at Bills (+8.5)

The Patriots have beaten the Bills 15 straight times.  15. Straight. Times.

Pick: Patriots

49ers at Bengals (-2.5)

Andy Dalton has been impressive so far this season, but the Bengals managed to lose a game to the Denver Broncos, which after week one I was unsure would ever happen this year.  Meanwhile, bravo 49ers for allowing the most maligned quarterback from week one come back and beat you while playing with a punctured lung.  Legends aren’t born unless someone allows them to be born.

Pick: 49ers (and to win)

Dolphins at Browns (-2.5)

The Miami Dolphins have another Monday Night game coming up soon, which will make it their second so far this season.  With the Bills showing signs of actually being formidable this year, I ask the following question. Toss up: Number of Dolphins Monday Night games, or number of wins Tony Sporano leads the Dolphins to?

Pick: Browns

Lions at Vikings (+3.5)

The Lions just straight up dominated the Chiefs last week.  The Lions have two “ehh, winnable” road games, then three straight home games, then a game in Denver and then the bye week.  The Lions could quite possibly be 6-2 or even 7-1 going into Chicago in week 10.

Pick: Lions

Texans at Saints (-3.5)

Ah two fun-to-watch offenses in this game.  Sit back, relax, and watch the fantasy points pile up. 

Pick: Saints

Giants at Eagles (-7.5)

Neither of these teams has looked as good as their fans would have hoped so far, and Mike Vick got banged up in his last game against the Falcons.  The Giants lost wide receiver Domenick Hixon last week, so I’m guessing all 3 Pro Bowl corners now cover Hakeem Nicks?

Pick: Giants (Eagles win)

Jaguars at Panthers (-3.5)

The Cam Newton love fest continued last week (read here), and now it is looking like the Blaine Gabbert era is ready to begin as well.  In mildly depressing news, Gabbert is a full year and one day younger than me.

Pick: Panthers

Sunday 4:05 PM

Chiefs at Chargers (-14.5)

Well it is pretty obvious that the Chiefs are not having the same luck they had last year.  If it makes them feel better, they are on pace to obtain better Luck..if you know what I mean… anybody?  (and no, I don’t think they draft Luck if they do get the #1 pick)

Pick: Chargers

Jets at Raiders (+3.5)

Apparently the Raiders are pissed because last time, Mark Sanchez “got a goddamn snack” a little too early in the form of a hot dog.  The man who is most pissed however is former Raider JaMarcus Russell, not because he felt it was disrespectful, but because he would have done that way more often when he was playing if he would have known it were possible.

Pick: Raiders (and to win)

Ravens at Rams (+3.5)

I miss being an intern at the Baltimore sports station.  The turn of callers from such an ultra high one week to such a low the next would be such an energy rush for me if I still were there.  Week 1 call: “just hand us the trophy now.” Week 2: “We are going 1-15, this team is atrocious.” <3

Pick: Ravens

Sunday 4:15 PM

Falcons at Bucs (-1.5)

This is a big game because in this competitive division, being up a game on one of the three possible playoff teams is so important.  It’s like, Josh Freeman-poise big combined with Matt Ryan-potential big. So big.

Pick: Falcons (and to win)

Packers at Bears (+3.5)

After seeing the Bears offensive line woes in week two, I can’t believe the Bears were able to win in week one so effortlessly.  It’s like Rich holding a lacrosse stick and still managing to be funny, really not sure how it worked, but it did.

Pick: Packers

Cardinals at Seahawks (+3.5)

Does anyone have any faith in any team to win the NFC West? No? Ok good, me neither.

Pick: Seahawks (and to win)

Steelers at Colts (+10.5)

How is NBC even promoting/pumping this game up? This Sunday Night… The AFC Champion Steelers face a team that only has one less win than them…. BE THERE!

Pick: Steelers

Monday 8:30 PM

Redskins at Cowboys (-6.5)

Tony Romo, one week after committing the choke of all chokes, unleashes the comeback of all comebacks.  This week, he does the unthinkable… hand Rex Grossman his first loss!

Pick: Redskins (Cowboys win)